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Kinda like my best friend?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by purpleporcupine, Sep 3, 2016.

  1. purpleporcupine

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Amherst
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hey guys! So I guess I just want some advice/ maybe other people's perspectives that may have gone through similar stories but also feel free to add anything you feel might be helpful! So I've always liked guys. I know this for a fact so that part is simple :slight_smile: girls on the other hand idk. I have had crushes In the past year or so (I'm 17) on a few girls but It's only a select few and I always feel like I can't put a label on myself because I wouldn't fit in anything. Like I feel between straight and bi and I hate it so much.

    Recently I may have figured out that I like my best friend. We know a lot about each other and some people at school have asked if we're dating cause we hold hands sometimes (I live in a super liberal area so I'm lucky in that respect). I also know that she thinks she bi and I've told her the same about myself (that was this summer). Now we're in school together and I feel jealous when she hangs out with other people which is honestly the worst feeling ever cause it just makes me feel guilty. I've also always wanted to kiss her and to see what it would feel like (and see if I'm actually attracted to her). There is a ok chance that she likes me cause I've always thought she had a crush on me (she compliments me in flirty ways etc..).

    I always am second guessing myself about whether or not I actually like her or not or anyone of the same sex and I've almost forgotten what it feels like to really like someone in all the confusion. Any advice/ shared experiences would be awesome! Thanks :slight_smile:))))
     
    #1 purpleporcupine, Sep 3, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2016
  2. bjanna

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Austin
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know how you feel about a label not seeming to fit you. In my experience, when you're questioning, it can help to not try to label yourself as something you're not sure about, whether it be straight or bi. It's frustrating, but it takes time to discover how you feel for different people, so it's best to take it day by day and just listen to your feelings. You don't have to identify as straight or bi, you can just like who you like and then if you feel more comfortable, you can identify with a sexuality. Even within any sexuality, there's fluidity. Straight people can like members of the same sex sometimes, and bi people can have a gender preference(like liking guys or girls more usually) and it doesn't mean they're wrong, it's just how they choose to identify. So don't stress about putting your feelings under a label, because your feelings are legitimate, and they can be your "label" while you don't know, and you don't even have to label ever if you don't want to.
    About your friend, how do you feel when you're around her? When you see her do you get excited or nervous or anything? Do you think about her when she's not there, like wanting to tell her a certain thing or show her something and see how she reacts because you just want to know? How does it feel when you guys hold hands?
    It's fine to feel kind of jealous towards other people being with her, it can happen to people you see as just friends or people you like, but when it's really strong, it can help to show your attachment.
    You said she currently identifies as bi as well, maybe you could ask her if you guys should try kissing? You could do it to "practice" kissing or just ask her if she wants to kiss for fun or something.
    You could even just talk to her. She's accepting, and your best friend, and she would probably be very open to talk to you about what you're feeling.
    I know what you mean by not being sure about what it even feels like to like someone. In my experience, when I've liked someone I'm close to, when I'm with them I don't think about anyone else and I just want to talk to them. It just makes me happy and warm, and you just want to spend all your time with them. They just seem perfect to you, and it makes you so happy to be able to talk to them and spend time with them and comfort them when they're sad and you just want to always be there for them.
     
  3. purpleporcupine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    wow thank you!! The liking someone thing was very helpful and the fluidity within identifying as well. I think I will talk to her about what I'm feeling and see what happens. It's very weird because we talked about sexuality that one time and haven't really since so it's been a elephant in the room kinda thing.
    Thanks so much for your response
     
    #3 purpleporcupine, Sep 3, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2016