is it possible, just possible that we all have different definitions of different sexual labels (such as gay,straight,bi,etc)? And we define our sexuality through our own definition of sexual labels? I mean, I have read posts on this forum and other forums and talked to people in real life, and I have observed that every sexuality has some kind of spectrum which is kind of broad, and it is not as narrow as I used to think. For example (a homosexual person could define homosexuality [how he experiences his own sexuality] differently than another homosexual person). So does it mean that I am responsible for defining and labelling my own sexuality, and I can not simply ask a person to tell me what is my sexuality? However, a person could tell me, how he/she feels about her sexuality and under what sexual label she/he feel most comfortable? If this is true then what should I do if someone does not agree with my label which I gave myself?
That's true that there is a spectrum within each identity. Bisexuals or pansexuals could have a preference for a certain gender, and homosexuals and heterosexuals could have feelings for the opposite or same sex sometimes or only one or two times, and still be valid because that's how the identify themselves. I think that yes, you can't ask a person what your sexuality is, because it's more complex than the labels behind them. People ask all the time on here about what their sexuality is, and that's because it's confusing, it's not black and white. The fluidity and spectrum of it makes it hard to tell. If they end up labeling themselves, it's often a unique definition of how they feel about it and what it means to them, like you said. Sexuality is one of the most personal and internal things about someone, and that's why it's tough to figure out. It can be hard to figure yourself out and how you feel about someone or a gender, etc. If someone doesn't agree with the label you identify yourself under, I don't think they deserve your explanation of its meaning to you. You know yourself better than anyone else does, and sexuality is not black and white, so if someone disagrees with you, that's not their right. They don't know how you feel internally and why you identify this way, and don't bother to think about your feelings and experiences that lead you to identify as your sexuality. That's their fault, and you don't deserve them an explanation.
I am attracted to whom I am attracted whether male or female. It all depends on who makes my heart skip a beat when I notice them. However, for a long time now....that has only been women. I am not one for labels. It never helps putting a person in a category as we are all so very different and unique.
Like the person said above, you don't owe anyone an explanation. If they don't agree with it, then that's their problem. Most people will get the hint that their input is not needed nor wanted so they will stop. If you are in school and getting bullied because of the label, then it becomes tougher to deal with. If that is the case, surround yourself with other people who will affirm you, your identity, and support you. At the end, you are allowed to use whatever label you want and identity however you want, and everyone who disagrees is welcomed to shut up.
But, there is this one issue which I notice everyday when it comes to sexual identity. sexuality is not black and white (each of us feel his/her own way when it comes to her/his sexuality), but we choose to label ourself, and these labels seem if our sexuality is actually black and white. If I could, I would write a whole book and call it my sexual identity, but I am limited by limited sexual identities (like homo,bi,asexual and straight). Is it rational, just to choose the sexual identity which fits the most (most -> 80% of what I am feeling), and then choose to say that it is my own homo/bi/asexual/straight spectrum of sexual identity, and this spectrum makes me unique in my own way?
Most people do pick the sexuality which fits them best. There are plenty of people who identify as straight/gay, but may rarely (say 5-10% of the time) find attraction to the same/opposite sex respectively. It's perfectly reasonable to just say "I am straight/gay" instead of saying "I am 95% attracted to men. 5% of the time I am attracted to women, but only if they are masculine. I wouldn't have sex with a woman unless I was extremely close to her." Instead of trying to fit the label, it's about finding the label that fits you in a way that makes you feel comfortable with yourself and that you feel is best for describing yourself - if you even want the label in the first place.
I think we are too focused on labels, but I can understand why people want or use them. I have been obsessed with finding a Lable, but that is more about finding out for me what I really want, and not so I can pin it to my shoulder. The lable is mostly a shorthand to tell people quickly what to expect from me. It won't capture me perfectly, but for most parts, that's fine. Acquaintances don't need to know everything about my attractions.
