I am a 14 year old guy starting 8th grade. In elementary school I had a lot of crushes, all being female. Maybe one every one or two years. Now, in middle school I've had no crushes. In porn, Im never turned on by a female, but always by a dude. I showed no signs of being gay until middle school (a.k.a puberty), and Ive heard that your sexual orientation could change during puberty. I took the Flexuality test last month and again yesterday, and both times my answer was flexamorous (look it up) and gay. Those answers make sense since last year I had a girlfriend that asked ME out. I wasnt attracted to her, but I still said yes. It didn't last long, but I did enjoy the relationsip after a while. Im still not attracted to girls though. For a while I was very confused about my sexuality, I was trying to decide if I was gay, bi, or if this was just hormones. But within the last couple weeks Ive started to come to terms with the flex and gay stuff. Then I found out that during puberty theres a chance you'll have a gay period. Now I'm once again confused and I don't know if I really am gay or if its just the gay period . Ive been stressing myself out so much with this and I just want to know what's true. So is this really a gay period? :help:
Thanks for the nice words! I hope everything goes well with your situation! Something I sort of left out that might be crucial is the fact that for a year and a half or so I've watched gay porn. I started off with straight stuff but the women were making it less arousing, so I switched to the gay stuff. When I started to watch that stuff I didn't think I was watching it because I was gay, but because I was taught the bad porn stuff = naked women and since the gay stuff didn't have any naked women it wouldn't be as bad to watch. Now I know it was just because I'm attracted to men sexually but not women. I'm sorry if that's a bit personal but I think that it is crucial for understanding my dilemma. Also, by Gay Period I mean the gay phase that "supposedly" every teen goes through during early puberty.
Honestly it's kinda the same with me I found woman not arousing and there genitalia sorta gross so I switched to gay and it kinda went that way ---------- Post added 7th Sep 2016 at 02:41 PM ---------- Oh and now I have random spikes of crippling depression in between being fine
First off porn is just porn at the end of the day; it's just a fantasy. Also I wouldn't take results from online sexuality tests as gospel. A lot of them have virtually non-existent reliability or validity. Try to ignore these factors and just try to get to know yourself and you're bound to come up with an answer.
Hi GeekCube, You're certainly not alone in questioning your sexuality at that age. I certainly did. Unless you're absolutely sure of your sexuality by that age (which a lot of gay/bi people aren't at that age), then you could really be anywhere on the sexuality spectrum. I've had straight friends question being gay, and they turned out to be straight. I thought (hoped, prayed, whatever) that I was straight, and that certainly isn't the case. At the age of 14, you're still new to the world of raging hormones. It could be very likely you're curious about other guys, and that may not be what actually drives your sexuality. However, there are a couple of indicators that you very well could be either bi or gay (though based on what you've said, I would wager you probably lean more toward gay): First of all, while porn is not a great indicator of sexual preferences (there are stories of lesbian women enjoying watching gay porn for example). As killswitch said, it's fantasy. I'm not a fan of guns in real life, but I love me some action movies. I know for me, I don't mind straight porn, but I'm not crazy about it, and don't actively seek it out. I don't like lesbian porn at all. This fits with my sexual orientation. Secondly, the fact that you had a girlfriend but weren't into it is another indicator. Again, it could just be that you weren't into THAT girl, and that can happen. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm into every guy out there. The girlfriends I've had over the years I was never really into. Sure I could kiss them, hold their hands, and be close friends, and that all was great. But it just never felt right. It never gave me butterflies in my stomach. Guys on the other hand, I felt a much deeper attraction to. Kiss a guy did feel absolutely right. I loved it. Do you think any boys are cute in your class? How about any girls? Are there any guys or girls you would want to kiss? How about celebrities? When any girls or guys talk to you, do you get a tingly feeling? Looking back on it, when I was your age, there were a few guys in my class I definitely had tingly / crushy feelings for. Ultimately, you're still new to hormones, and thoughts of sex, and crushes, and all the rest of it. It can take years to really figure out what you're into. I didn't know for certain until my early 20s. Some people know at age 4, more know at 14, others it takes longer until 24 or even later in life. Society doesn't make being LGBT easy, so that plays a factor in people repressing their sexuality. But sometimes your sex drive doesn't kick in or really awaken until you get older. If you want to talk more or have more questions, feel free to write on my wall. Best of luck with discovering your sexuality
Well, like killswitch says porn is just porn. Yet, like any other thing it can provide clues. When I was 14 years old, I didn't even whisper to anyone that I had attractions to guys. But whenever I looked at anything having to do with sex, my eyes were on the guys. The women didn't attract much attention. And when masturbating, the fantasies were all about guys. All the time. It was pretty obvious. I was pretty open with myself about this at the time....it was only later, in college, that quite a bit of denial kicked in. But at 14, I was good with it--I just kept it a secret, because it would attract disapproval. Elsewhere on EC, Chip made the suggestion to somebody that they just use fantasy and not porn when masturbating, and see which scenarios aroused them more. This would be a great suggestion for you, too. You can easily tell the difference in your reactions, to different fantasies. I'm sure it really is all about hormones, but "it" is not whether you're gay or not, "it" is just about whether you're horny or not, and at 14 that's usually a resounding "yes." I don't know anything about the "gay period" theory. I suppose it's possible, but deep down the test suggested above will reveal whether it's likely to pass or not. Sometimes we have to be patient for the truth. I know you want to know what's true, and you may even have hopes about what the truth is going to be. I think most people here are going to tell you that if you're feelin' gay, it's 99% likely not to be a "phase." But you'll need to find the final answer to that yourself. In this matter, you should listen to your own voice, and find peace with the truth that is your own.
Yes, I know that porn is for the most part unrealistic, but the fact that when I see a a naked women and it doesn't do anything for me except make me uncomfortable and definitely not aroused, but when I see a guy I feel queasy but in a much, much better way. Thanks for the advice! I haven't felt attracted to girls in years like I said in my original post, but am starting to develop a slight crush on one of my MALE friends who I think might be gay as well. With celebrities, I mean, of course Ryan Reynolds. He's amazing. I can also think of one female actress, though. Maggie Lawson. That might be the flexamorous, though (A person who, unlike Bisexual, can only have sexual relations with one sex, but can love either sex). Well, when I first started to masturbate I wouldn't watch porn, I'd just go into the bathroom and masturbate to my fantasies. Those fantasies were always about dudes. I never once fantasizes about a women. I still don't understand how I didn't realize I might be gay sooner. But, I'll try to think to myself and figure out what I really am. I just hope I will be able to stop stressing about this. Thanks for the advise, and I'll try to find the truth :icon_bigg
For all the 13 and 14 year-olds here on EC - stop watching porn. Watching porn regularly is not healthy at your age when your brain is still forming and laying down the foundation stones of you psyche. Your fantasy is much better than porn. And fantasy is just fantasy - it doesn't mean a lot except that it's just fantasy. With fantasy you can explore what you like and maybe even discover things you didn't know you liked. In your fantasies you can have sex with the cute boy in your math class one moment and then sex with the cute girl the next moment. Maybe you'll enjoy fantasising about being with the cute boy more than the cute girl, maybe not. It might mean something about your sexuality or it might not. OK, no one is going to listen to me. I know that. But you should listen to me. ---------- Post added 7th Sep 2016 at 06:31 AM ---------- And here's a tip to have fun with your sexual fantasies - the next time you see someone who you think is cute and you think it would be fun to have sex with them, enjoy thinking about how you're going to enjoy fantasising about them when you get home. Maybe it means you have to wait until you're somewhere where no one can disturb you and this might mean hours of thinking about what the fantasy is going to be like. This can be lots of fun and then when you are finally alone, you could try and see how long you can enjoy yourself while making the fantasy as vivid as possible in your mind. If you want to be good at sex one day, this technique will help you a lot more than watching porn. Because so much of what is good about sex happens in the mind.
Well, somebody had to say that ^^^ It's true even for adults, that watching a lot of porn changes the expectations and reactions to stimulus. Sometimes, people who watch a lot of porn have trouble getting aroused with real people. But, hey, I may be old but I've not forgotten what being 14 was like. I'm absolutely positive I wouldn't have paid any attention to the advice then either. :badgrin: I will say there is one advantage of porn for the young people. Unlike us older folks who lived under the repressive anti-porn regime, having access to it would have made it possible to realize that those "deviant" or one-of-a-kind fetishes and fantasies that we obsessed and stressed about were actually very common. In that regard, it does a lot of good.
I'd like to add a RESOUNDING endorsement to GoldenSuns admonition against young teens watching porn! Sadly, as both GoldenSun and faustian1 say, it's likely to fall on deaf ears.:icon_sad: Faustian1, I grew up "under the repressive anti-port regime" era that you spoke of and didn't have access to a wide variety of pornography until I was an adult. Granted, I definitely had my eyes opened with non-straight and fetish porn, and some of that really did answer some lingering questions/issues in my mind. However, I don't think I would have handled it the same way at age 13 or 14 as I did at age 20. Personally, I think it would have done me much more harm than good at age 13 or 14. Just my 2cents.
Hi there! I am 16 years old (gay) and I went through the exact same thing as you did. To start off, I also had multiple crushes in the past on girls and once, a girl also asked me out but I didn't really like her. I said "yes" anyway but the relationship didn't last for long. (We are still friends though!) Enough said about me... Honestly, at your age, it is totally normal to be questioning your sexuality. As for porn, I also never get turned on by girls, only guys. I have never had a crush on a guy in real life but I have had many celebrity crushes and whenever I see a guy that I find attractive, I feel a funny butterfly feeling in my stomach. All I have to say is: don't worry, you have time to figure all of that out! I only figured all of it out at 15 and even now I could change, who knows! Sexuality is fluid HOWEVER, if you can picture yourself with a man, being romantic with him and everything, you are probably gay. (It's not only about the sex.) Good luck and I've only shared my story, and your story will very likely be different to mine. Hope that you have an awesome future and don't rush things out.
Okay, I've known for a while that porn is unrealistic, but if so many of you think I shouldn't be watching it, then I'll try my best to stop. If it really is harmful for me then I'll try my best. BUT This thread was never supposed to turn into a conversation about porn being bad. I made it so I could get advice and help for the situation I'm going through. I would really like an answer, because I've just been thinking about this a lot and when i think about it I get really and I'm losing focus in class and since I'm stressed I feel like I'm going to throw up and I zone out. BUT I have the feeling that no matter what my answer is, whether it's straight, bi, or gay, I will have a nagging feeling that it's wrong and the stress'll come back.:tears::help::bang:
I think that I'm starting to figure out my true sexual orientation, and if this has just been puberty and hormones messing with me. Some memories from elementary school and possibly 6th grade are resurfacing in my mind.
Hi GeekCube - sorry about hijacking your thread. Being 14 and unsure about your sexuality is something that's really difficult to cope with, I can understand you probably want answers and also want to know why you might be gay or straight or bisexual. But not even scientists really know why people have different sexual orientations and no one has discovered the gay gene. The current theory seems to be that it has something to do with hormones in the womb - so just another reason to blame your mum But I don't think it really helps to know why a person is gay, straight or bi. Because it suggests that if only we knew, then we could do something about it - as if it's a problem that needs to be fixed. But being gay or bi isn't a problem - a society that doesn't openly accept sexual diversity is the problem. And the most beautiful thing about being human is our ability to love another person. At your age that may mean having a crush on someone - even another boy. And when I look back on the time when I was your age, I really enjoy the memories of my crushes on some of my friends. And then there's the fun, excitement and enjoyment of sex and our sexuality. This can be pretty confusing and painful because so many people are embarrassed about it and don't want to talk about it. The best thing to do is just accept what is happening - don't try and get an answer to it all just yet. That'll only make everything harder for you. I started to wonder about my sexuality when I was 14, but it only hit me really hard four or five years later and I still remember the moment when I realised that I was physically attracted to guys. When I was your age I just wanted to hang out with my friends, do lots of sport, annoy the teachers, and stuff like that. Sure there were moments when I thought why do I find a particular boy cute or even sexy and of course this worried me and I never talked about it with anyone. And I felt really guilty when I masturbated while thinking about other young guys. But if you are gay or bisexual, then you can't control these thoughts, feelings and responses. If you try and suppress who you are, then it'll only make you feel ashamed and guilty and maybe even seriously depressed. So just try and go along with it all - enjoy your crushes and enjoy your sexual responses and fantasies. And try to be patient - I know it's easy for me to say this. The time will come when you will know where you fit along the spectrum of human sexuality.
