I don't hate bi people, but the idea of me being bi makes me sick for some reason. I just don't see myself as a girl who should be into men. I just want to be a regular gay. I don't know why this makes me feel so sick.
Hey Tre, How does it make you sick? Like pit in your stomach sick? Like depressing sick? Like cold and flu season sick? Do you think it is added anxiety because being homosexual is hard enough to understand and accept - and being bi just adds more confusion to your sexual identity as well as additional prejudices from society?
Sick to my stomach sometimes, but mostly depressing. The idea of being a bi girl just doesn't jive with me. I just can't handle being bi. It makes me have the urge to shave my head and cover myself with tattoos.
O.K. Bear with me, I'm trying to ask questions that might help clarify your issue. First, do you think you might be bi or do you know you are bi? Second, can you actually say what it is about being bi that 'doesn't jive' with you? Why would being bi make you have an urge to shave your head and cover yourself in tattoos, if 'simply' being homosexual wouldn't?
I'm maybe reaching here but.. Is there something that you don't like about being attracted to men, something about the relationship dynamic? Or you feel that being attracted to women is a strong part of your identity and it's being challenged now? Or maybe some of the stereotypes of bi women make you uncomfortable?
I'm just analyzing a bit, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong: I believe that feels come from isolation. You can't be normal but with being bi you can't fit into the next bigger crowd of sexual orientation. And that makes you feel like a freak.
I know the feeling. A few years ago, I would ask "what do I sound like?" while hoping someone would give me a clear cut "gay" or "straight" answer. Bisexuality had all these nasty stereotypes, even within the community, and there seemed to be few out and proud bisexuals, resources, events... As humans, we have a need to fit in and belong. Anything outside the binary leaves us to scrutiny and a lot of doubt. There's less reassurance, and we're forced to question ourselves at every step. Luckily, I'm semi-involved in several trans and non-binary communities, where multisexuality seems to be the norm. What is regular? Consider that many people who self-identify as gay or straight could easily fit under another label, or that not all gay or straight people have the same experiences, preferences, or beliefs. We've been fed lies all our lives. Bisexuality is just as valid and natural as the next sexuality.
You know that you can be bisexual and have a strong preference for a gender right? Being bi is not a bad thing. At least, not to me..