I'm wondering how do you deal with questioning when you don't have anyone in real life to talk about LGBT things. I mean, my parents and most of my friends seem to be okay with gay things, but I guess that if I tell them I'm questioning my sexuality, they'll act differently around me and I don't want that. I don't want to be treated differently because I might be lesbian or bisexual. Sometimes, I hear rude homophobic comments (not about me) from my entourage and it bothers me. However, I don't have the courage to stand up and say that it is wrong because I'm afraid that they might discover my sexual concerns. Also, my friend (who is more a college partner) has a behaviour that I don't like. Everytime there's that girl that is obviously lesbian, my friend looks at her with disdain or in a weird way. It bothers me so much, but I can't tell her without outing myself and I feel that she would tell everyone.
The way I dealt with questioning was watching a lot of YouTube videos of coming out stories, reading a lot of online articles, etc. The internet became my best friend, since I had nobody in my real life to talk to. Even now, the only person I've come out to is an online friend. She's been great, and is always there to talk if I need her. It was hard to do it without talking to anyone, but from my point of view, it's much more of a self-exploration than something others can guide you through. And I think that is what makes it so difficult at times. As for your other problems, I'm in the same position you are. One of my friend in particular says things like "That's so gay!", and it really bothers me, but he doesn't know I'm gay, so I can't say anything. Things some of my family says get to me too like "You like those shoes? They look gay!" I know most of the comments are just ignorance, but they do get to me. What I do is pretty much ignore it. There's really not much else I can do.
I'm questioning still, and it's al rather puzzling. The main thing that helps me sort things out is coming here to EC or, as Lambeau said, watching YouTube video and reading stories.
You can absolutely tell your friend she's is being crappy without outing yourself. Straight people do it all the time.
Im not out to anyone in my life AT ALL, but I always try and correct homophobic rhetoric. I live in the south so there have been times where I did not simply for safety sake. I am a big guy, but I am not willing to risk physical altercation because of their ignorance Anyways, the key is just having confidence, if they say, what are you gay, I always respond with something like, do I have to be to treat them like a person? That way you dont have to lie and say no, or come out. It will obviously depend on the situation. For example saying something is gay, respond with something like is that supposed to imply bad? if they say yes, say why? if they say no then ask what it implies... If they ask why you care, I respond along the lines, "dude its 2016, quit being a god**** bigot." or "dude its 2016, Im not a god**** bigot." (terribly sorry for language, but I feel the emphasis is important. Anyways, I just wanted to make sure you didnt feel you had to out yourself to stand up against homophobic rhetoric. Although I will admit it is much harder sometimes with family, though my immediate family doesnt do that shit no more because they see what I say to others and how EXTREMELY progressive my other views are, so they know by now I wont stand for that shit in silence. Luckily this happened without me really having to correct them... I know my mother still thinks that way, but because I am so outspoken on other issues, and she has seen me be outspoken about gay rights and marriage equality, she just doesnt say it anymore.. I dont think my dad even thinks it anymore... He has told me in the past he doesnt care if someone is gay... when I was a kid he did though.... but extended family is different for me lol... but anyways, enough about me The reason, I was explaining all that is that by being outspoken about other issues as well, it wont seem like your outspoken ONLY about gay rights. It seems far less likely to lead to you outing yourself if you stand up for gay rights among many issues...
