1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Trying to figure out my sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Confused123478, Sep 11, 2016.

  1. Confused123478

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2016
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington DC
    Hi everyone, I am a 19 year old biological male who is trying to figure out my sexuality and I want a second opinion on it. When I was in elementary and middle school I had a crushes on girls. I never really thought about having sex with them but I would think about them all the time,think about how pretty they were I felt like I wanted too kiss them etc. However, as I have gotten older I have become more and more interested in guys. I think about having sex with men basically daily all the porn I read is about men etc. My attraction to girls over the last few years has decreased, but there still a bit of attraction. For example during spring semester I got drunk and made out with a girl and had a boner while making out. However, vaginias look incredibly scary to me and I have like boobs before. I do like to look at a good pair of legs but vagianas just eww. Anyway what do y'all think.
    Thanks
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi, and welcome!

    First question: When you're masturbating, without porn, where are your fantasies? Are you fantasizing about guys or about girls? Or both? That's usually the best indicator.

    It's also worth knowing that as you are going through the process of coming to terms with not being straight, there's a lot of disagreement going on with conscious and unconscious and so this can affect how you experience attraction; we're trained from birth to "fit in" and so our first sense is usually to reject the idea we might not be straight. But as we start to explore that, and the battle between conscious and unconscious winds down, then usually for guys who are gay, the attraction to women starts to decrease and eventually fade away, and the attraction toward men increases.

    Of course, you can also be bisexual, and it's important to understand that sexual identity is a spectrum rather than a trinary, so you can be, for example, mostly gay but have a little attraction toward women, or vice-versa.

    If you can talk more about your masturbation attractions then we might be able to give you more clear input.
     
  3. Confused123478

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2016
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington DC
    When masturbating I definitely think about guys more often, especially over the past year. Without porn I am slightly more likely to masturbate to women but it doesn't happen that often and with porn it I basically masturbate exclusively to guys. The naked woman just is not that appealing to me, but if I see an attractive woman on the street I might get a boner.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Based on what you've described, I'd say it's pretty likely you're at the gay end of the spectrum. You could be gay with a minor attraction to women, but it's also quite likely that as you embrace the attraction to men that you'll find the attraction to women decreasing (this seems to be a pretty common occurrence.)

    So the first question to ask yourself is... how do you feel having heard someone say that? Does it ring true for you? Does it create anxiety? Processing what you're feeling will help you get better clarity on what you're experiencing.
     
  5. Iliricon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2016
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Germany
    You sound like you could be my twin. That's pretty much exactly how I feel, or used to feel. I like girls, love spending time with them, even cuddling, although I don't make out and I get boners while doing that. The only thing is, I don't want sex, that is reserved for guys...

    I used to feel more attraction to women, but since I've started to admit to myself that I prefer men, that attraction is steadily approaching zero. Mostly I'm affectionate with girls I befriend, but I don't find women hot in the regular sense of the word.

    The way you experience attraction can also change with time and with your mindset. I used to be mostly asexual, with some attraction to females, but since coming out to myself, I'm pretty horny. Sexuality does not exist completely independent from your brain.

    I call myself gay for simplicity, and I date guys because a relationship without sex is meh...

    Take your time, maybe talk all this over with a councilor or friend. You are definitely not the only one feeling like this.