So i've recently came out to my immediate family and close friends as a Lesbian (!) and it received sort of the expected reaction but overall everyone understood. However, now im getting second thoughts due to recent feelings forming with a guy friend. At first it was just that he was a cool dude i could chill with but then he started to become very supportive of my well being and we've been getting very close. Granted i could be interpretating the whole situation wrong but that doesn't really change the fact that i am having these feelings where i could imagine a future with a man... (*hug*) Prior to recent experiences i have never been attracted to the opposite sex so im really confused as to why i suddenly feel this way- I sorta feel like i'd go straight for this guy, if that's even a thing. Does this make me a Heteroromantic Homosexual? :help:
Congratulations on coming out as a lesbian! There is no credible research to support the notion that you can separate sexual and romantic orientation with labels such as Heteroromantic Homosexual, though they can be useful to help understand and clarify your sexuality. So I'm guessing that either you are developing a strong friendship with this guy OR if there's sexual attraction as well, that you are a bisexual who is probably a Kinsey 4 or 5. In this case you are predominantly attracted to women but can still be attracted to guys. You can google the Kinsey scale to find out more.
Heteromantic homosexuality is becoming a common label, when there recently wasn't much thought put into it. I wonder how much of it is genuine and how much of it is either misunderstood feelings or not wanting to come out of the closet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to invalidate you, just seeing it from two sides. Sometimes friendship can just get so deep and intimate that it becomes confusing to access the difference between it and romance. I have had strong emotional connections with men, but It's more like a brother/sister relationship. I couldn't imagine sleeping with them. It's also hard for me to tell even when it matches my own sexuality. I'm a lesbian and unsure if I'm attracted to my best friend (female) because of how emotionally intimate our friendship is. I get more excited to see her than I do other people, I think about her a lot and what not. But is this romantic attraction or just a deep friendship? I don't know. I don't know even though it would match my actual orientation. That is how confusing friendship bonds are.
IMO, heteroromantic as a label is quite arbitrary. Romance is about emotion, not gender, and emotions can be felt for many people (i.e. people could have both heteroromantic and homoromantic feelings). As a gay man, I sometimes meet nice (and pretty) women who I think I would have had a crush on if I were straight. If they don't know I'm gay, I have to be careful because my compliments on things like their dress/style could come across as flirtation. As others mentioned, the Kinsey scale may help you to compare your own feelings. Bisexuality doesn't have to be about exactly equal attractions.
If you came out as a lesbian, I'm assuming you probably feel romantic attraction for girls. This means you wouldn't be heteromantic. Maybe you think you like this guy because of compulsory heterosexuality, the pressure from society for women to like men. Or maybe you're bi. But I wouldn't necessarily call you "heteromantic." If you realize you're not a lesbian, don't feel bad that you came out as one - you can change your label anytime and you owe nobody an explanation for it.
You might be bi or this guy might just be a single exception to your sexuality. Either way, I doubt you're heteroromantic since I would assume you have been attracted to women in the past. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. See if you end up attracted to any other guys or if it's just this one. If it's just this one exception, you can still call yourself a lesbian. If you're attracted to other guys, you're probably bi.
