It's really making me panic. I've never questioned my sexuality before, and i just really need advice. First some stuff about me: I'm 19 years old, and I've had a girlfriend who every time i kissed or hugged i would get an erection almost immediately, so you would think i would be straight off of that information, but now i'm wondering if i was only pretending to like it maybe, but that might be my anxiety telling me that, i don't know. Before that however, i had a male friend in middle school who i think i had a crush on because he gave me a boner sometimes, i don't know though because after a while i would not get a boner from him anymore. My first wet dream was of a woman, one from a video game mind you, but regardless; When i was in high school i took a theater class and i got a crush on one of the girls in their, one time when we sat next to each other, she leaned her head on my shoulder and i got super hard; Another time, i was with another girl backstage and i put my arm on her shoulder, she then went in front of me so that i had my arms around her waist, leaning her head on my shoulder seductively which made me erect; In my senior year of highschool, i asked out a different girl that i was interested in to prom and she said yes, and i was really happy after she said that; when we were at prom, we took pictures and slow danced, and both instances made me hard because i was so close to her. On the other hand, i have become hard from a genre of gay porn known as frotting, sometimes i fantasize about sucking dick, but i still get hard from pictures of topless women, but most of the time these day's i can't imagine myself in a relationship with a man or a woman, and having sex isn't really a top priority for me. Also the thought of experimenting with my male friend who is bi curious get's me erect. Recently i was at his house and he asked if i wanted to jerk off with him and i said no, which is weird because I've gotten hard from the thought of us experimenting, who knows maybe i was nervous. (Sorry if this is really jumbled together, I've never been the best at explaining things, also i'm a virgin if that helps somehow, also sorry for the length of this).
Hey friend... I totally understand being super confused with sexuality and I also have really bad anxiety. You don't have to figure everything out immediately so I really recommend figuring this sort of stuff out slowly/ at your own pace. It's okay to not have everything figured out and super clear and you also don't have to experience arousal to consider yourself gay/straight/bi/pan/other. Take a deep breath and know that it's perfectly normal to feel like this. (I'm not sure how clear this was I'm having a long day so if you want me to clarify anything please let me know)
I would argue you might be bisexual... I would also argue suicide is not the answer. That is a very permanent solution to a very temporary problem... Why dont you step away from the situation a little bit and try to explain whats wrong. Your post is a little scatter brained... Like you dont quite know what your trying to say, but your going to make sure to say it Your clearly upset by the aspect of being gay? is that personal upset? upset about how society will react? how family will react? Like, I can tell you are upset, but I can not tell what bothers you specifically.. I will say there is nothing wrong with any of the possible outcomes... Come let us know what it is about being gay that would bother you so we can try and help you out... Also, please if you start having suicidal ideation either call a hotline, go to the trevor project (The Trevor Project) or come here. It gets better.
I can only join my voice to the choir: Take a long deep breath and stay calm. I know how hard that can be, but suicide is (almost) never the answer. You could be bisexual, that is not wrong in and by itself. The only problem exists if you do something, that you are uncomfortable with. Trust your gut and you will be fine ;-) I would suggest that you talk to somebody about this, either a close friend whom you trust, or a therapist. There is no shame in seeking out professional help, especially if you are considering suicide. I spent the summer questioning my sexuality and it made me pretty depressed. I only got out by talking to friends, both straight and gay. That might be a way for you. One other thing you could try is contact a LGBT center close to you. Most of them will also answer anonymous calls. What do you feel anxious about? That might be important to figure out, alone or with somebody else. If you really understand where your anxiety comes from, you will able to work on it far more effectively.
Wow! I'm so happy that I've gotten responses, that makes me feel good. and yeah, sorry that my post is all over the place, i was drinking when i wrote that. Let me try to explain my situation better; For my entire life i was certain that i was straight, 99% of my crushes growing up were girls, the one percent being my friend in middle school who for all i know could have just been a phase. Anyway's, this anxiety about my sexuality stemmed from months ago when i started to get turned on by a specific type of gay porn, the problem is years before that i tried to watch gay porn and was not excited by it then, why do you think i am now?
Gay porn, no matter the content, isn't really a good indicator of attraction. Try masturbating for a few weeks without porn and see where your mind takes you in fantasy. That might help you figure things out.
