I'm 16 right now and I've been imagining myself in relationship with other girls for at least 6 years (when I began to realize what relationships meant). Back then I just thought of it as fun and assumed that everyone was curious like this. In middle school I earned myself the bi label (I never came out but then I was never really in the closet in the first place) and I was fine with it. But somehow, it just doesn't feel right. Some time ago (a year or so) there was one guy, whom I kind of had a crush on. The thing is, as soon as he started talking about us being in a relationship, I totally shut him down. It's not that I don't like him - we're friends - it just freaked me out. I wrote it off as me being afraid of commitment. Thing is, I think I'm in love with my (female) best friend and I would be perfectly happy to spend all the time with her. And I hate the thought of her having a boyfriend. Or even being close to someone - closer than she is to me. I do get turned when I see attractive guys and I can imagine fooling around with them. But when I focus on how I would feel if it really happened, I get weirded out. I find two guys having sex hot but I wouldn't really want to swap places with one of them (at least 95% of the time, though it does happen). And don't even get me started on being in a relationship with a guy. I actually find myself cringing whenever I imagine it. When I think what I would like my future to look like, there's always a girl. I would just call myself a lesbian if it wasn't for the fact that I still find guys hot. And I've never had the chance to try anything with another girl (and probably won't until I leave for college in a couple of years and move to a bigger city), so I can't be sure what it would be like for me.
You could be bisexual with a huge preference for girls. You could also be a lesbian but since you said you got turned on my guys occasionally I don't know. There's also the term "homoflexible" which means mostly gay but there's the occasional exception but it's not enough to be considered bi. I can't decide your identiy and I'm not trying to force a label on you but these are just my thoughts. I hope this helped you
I've realized that I feel attracted only to guys like my favorite musicians or actors, maybe some characters in a movie. Generally speaking, those that I identify with or that feel sentimentally important to me for whatever reason. In real life I rarely go "wow, he's hot" about some guy I meet and when I do it's very matter-of-fact. So I guess homoflexible/lesbian works. At least at the moment. Thanks :icon_bigg
You don't have to call yourself homoflexible, you can just call yourself a lesbian if you want to! Your experiences are very similar to lesbian experiences. You don't seem interested in guys you know in real life, just because you think you COULD be interested in a guy doesn't mean you can't identify as a lesbian, because theoretical attraction doesn't matter unless you want it to.
Yeah, I'm warming up to the idea. And lesbian does sound right. It's just that no more than a couple of months ago I still considered myself bi. Homoflexible feels less drastic a change than homosexual. I'm getting there though :icon_bigg
I feel basically the same way you do! I sometimes feel a sort of detached sexual attraction to men, and can even imagine fooling around with one (like, kissing). Very rarely, I feel some mild sexual attraction to specific male friends. But I don't want to actually be with them or anything, and every sexual experience I'd ever had with a male (years ago now) was totally terrible. I struggle with the label a lot too, like effectively I'm a lesbian and I know long-term I will never be with a guy. But it always feels a bit disingenuous to say I'm a lesbian because we're told so many things about what it means to be gay, and we're so pressured to be sexually available to men, even if only a little bit. But I actually think there are a LOT of us who feel this way. You're definitely not alone in this.
OMG, I can relate to. Every. Single. Word. (Well, if you scratch sexual experience and put romantic in its place - I can only imagine what the former would be like.) It's even more confusing, because most of my friends are guys. Sometimes, I get so tongue-tied around girls, it would be funny if I weren't so anxious. With guys, I don't really care what they think about me. Though flirting is still fun, but then it's fun in general. And sometimes I find some guy really funny/cute/hot but in the end I wouldn't want to actually date them (I'm not 100% sure how I'd feel about sex though; it's hard to tell when the only guys that turn me on are celebrities). And, as shallow as it sounds, I wouldn't want to have sex with a guy unless he was very good-looking. With girls, they don't have to be all that pretty as long as I like them (i.e their personality). And, yeah, what you said in the second part is something that makes my feminism go through the roof. I'm pretty sure at least 98% of girls had their mother go "boys don't like [insert whatever it is you did]". Boys don't like girls who are better than them at something, independent, smarter than them, more successful, can manage on their own, don't know how to cook, etc. It's like we're expected to just belittle ourselves and bend over backwards trying to be attractive to guys. Wonder how many fathers tell their sons such things (I'm sure some do). Sorry for the off-topic, but it really bugs me. BTW, I'm not hating on guys, just society in general. Still, it's nice to have someone finally get it. It gets so frustrating trying to explain to my straight friend that no, I don't just pretend to like girls to get attention or whatever. And that preferring the company of guys has little to do with my sexual orientation. Honestly, I'm anything but straight. Though she was probably right about me not being bi. Just not in the way she meant :lol:
