For a while I thought I was asexual, as I never really felt any major attraction and was even a little repulsed by sex. I masturbated once or twice but only because I was curious and not out of any real desire. Recently however I started noticing a girl in class (I'm 17) and its like all of the sudden the floodgates came open and all of these feelings came rushing in. All of I sudden I started looking for naked pictures of women on the Internet and trying porn to resolve this anxiety. I'm fantasizing and really wanting to masturbate and thinking about her constantly. I don't know what to do. I suffer from a variety of problems like social anxiety so the idea of talking to her seems impossible. I don't have any friends, am terrified of groups, and rarely talk so it would seem odd. It also seems incredibly unlikely that she would also be attracted to me, after all aren't only 10% of the population gay and in that group I doubt many of them would actually want me. I'm also not sure if I'm just forcing myself to feel and I just find dicks disgusting or if I'm a late bloomer. I admit finding breasts a little distracting in middle school...but I convinced myself that it was only because they were so prominent on the body and it had nothing to do with sexualiy. Am I only attracted to this specific female and I'm just using pics only to "replace" her? Thanks for reading this far
So I identify as ace (as well as pan) and I've masturbated before- sort of for the same reason as you. I was curious and while it felt good I never felt any sexual attraction with it. You could be a grey-asexual, which is someone who's primarily asexual but very rarely experiences sexual attraction. (Rarely enough that's it's a legit identiy and not just someone who's "picky" or whatever). There's also the term demisexual, which means you only experience sexual attraction after a very close bond has been established with a person (I'm not sure with your status with this girl is so idk if this describes your experience). About the social anxiety part I'm not really sure how to help you there. I have social anxiety as well and that's why I have trouble interacting with people, especially people I have crushes on. If you need me to add anything on to this please let me know-have a good day
