So, I recently met a new friend through my other friends, who are all very queer. They were really cute, and I really liked their personality and we kinda just clicked when we met at my friend's party. A couple weeks later they came out to me and said they were transgender, and they were only out to a few people, but told me because I was so open and honest about my own identity. Now I am VERY confused because I still have a crush on him but I identify as a lesbian and have never had a crush on a guy before. I can't see myself being with a guy either romantically or sexually.
I'm not sure on how this person is transgender... are they female and becoming a male or are they a male becoming female? Romantic attraction involves a lot more than just the person's gender. Obviously there are qualities this person has that fit what you are looking for, for there to be feelings. I guess that isn't much help, but maybe stopping and asking yourself what about this person has gotten your attention and that might help you.
If he's a trans dude and planning to transition to living full time as male, it'd be a good idea to evaluate whether you could be with him. If he's still presenting as female, this would explain why you have attraction to him (since you are attracted to women, which is how he currently appears) - if that changed, do you think your feelings would change? If you were with him, would the possibility of him changing his body to be more in line with his identity upset you? If the answer's yes, it's very likely that you're attracted to him as female, which is understandable since you didn't know he was male when your crush started. If the answer's no, then fuck labels. Some gay/straight people have one person of their non-preferred gender who just clicks with them. Doesn't make you any less of your identity, since sexuality is somewhat fluid and a huge spectrum - just makes you a standard person. If he is a trans man then you can stop reading here, the rest is mostly cause the above poster has made me question it - if the person is a trans girl and you're seeing her as a guy, then keep in mind that trans women are women. Lesbian women are usually attracted to women, so finding attraction in a woman (whether trans or cis) is perfectly normal. If you are dubious because you aren't sure you'll be sexually compatible (ie, you have a strong aversion to male genitalia) that's one thing and is a valid concern in my eyes, but saying "I can't see myself with a guy" when referring to a trans woman is invalidating her gender identity and a fairly transphobic statement.
In my opinion it is fairly obvious OP is talking about a trans guy (like the title says too). It seems she thought he was cute and developed a crush on him first and only became confused about the situation once he came out to her. Anyway, OP, I have dated a trans guy who was pre-everything. It still didn't work out because while he was a really great guy, his masculine personality made me feel weirded out sometimes. I always saw him as a man, but I still expected us to connect on a deep emotional level in the way women do. It was not because of what he was assigned at birth, but just because it is what I expect from the people I date. See, I was still deep in the closet and thought I was straight at the time and I didn't realize that I was actually looking for a woman in any man I tried to date. It was a really confusing time. :lol: Also, because I was in the closet I thought I would be OK with his transition at the time. Now I am not so sure how I would have reacted to his voice getting deeper, him getting really hairy and possibly growing a beard. You really need to think about the fact that it is likely what his future holds for him, and whether you will still find him attractive after that. There are also likely to be complications when it comes to sex, his chest is likely to be off-limits and possibly even his downstairs. So take that into consideration as well. In short: really think about the reality of the situation before you go breaking his heart or your own. It isn't impossible for it to work, but you have to be realistic about what you are looking for with him if you decide to pursue it. If you are just confused because you like a guy, SystemGlitch put it really well already and I have nothing to add there.
Thank you all of you! (Yes, I was talking about someone AFAB). I could definitely not see myself with a guy and I think it's just a crush, I'll get over it.
Well, one of my managers at work is dating a lesbian, who he has a kid with. He was that ONE guy for her, and they've been together a while. I think that's probably the exception, but sometimes it does work out. If you really like this person, why not give it a try?
