Hey guys. I'm new here and I need some advice on my situation. (sorry, long post.) I'm a teenager, currently on high school, which started late-June, and I'm questioning my sexuality. All my life I have been 100% straight. With the things I like, the people I like, and the way I act. But currently I'm really confused. At the start of the school year, I was still a 100% straight then, I was teased to a guy at school. This guy, was completely gay, but I'll get to that later. It was my turn to report at that time but my original partner was absent, and the teacher thought that it was a good idea to substitute Jacob, the guy I was teased to. While we were reporting the bullies at my class suddenly came up with a love team, like our last names were put together. They kept on shouting it while the reporting was happening, at that time I was extremely annoyed and I got angry sometimes. Then the teasing continued until the whole class would eventually join the teasing. There wasn't a day where the love team wasn't brought up at least once. Jacob was insanely smart. The problem was I was too (no bragging intended). That concluded to us being grouped very often, which also resulted to more teasing. There was this time that I was struggling at Math class, and I decided to go to him for help. He gladly accepted to help me. It continued for about a few days, then the feelings for him came. We started to become closer and closer to each other to the point that he would not join his original group just to go with me, and vice-versa. I asked him how he would tell if he liked someone or if he were to fall for someone. He told me some standards, but what scared me is that all those standards co-insided with the feeling that I felt for him. I was so blank that time. I confessed to him that I liked him. I told him that I like him and that, "I'm 99% straight and the 1% is gay because of you". He reacted very unaccordingly, he told me that I was completely straight and that I was joking. I was not. A few days later, he also came out to me, he told me he was gay. Which the entire school thinks so, but I'm one of the two people that "officially" knows that he is. That's the time the relationship kind of leveled up, you know? Like we started hugging, cuddling, and maybe kissing. We also started to say I love you to each other. Then, he asked me a question, "Can I call you my boyfriend, and I, yours?". I was speechless at first, but I ended up saying yes to him, haha. He also asked me what I was, top or bottom. I firmly said top. Which leads to more confusion. I was completely straight but in a way where there is still an exception to him. I tried to get some answers. I tried to watch gay porn, sorry. I was completely turned off. I tried to masturbate to it even, which completely failed. I also tried looking at other guys, I had no feeling. But when I look at him, I feel something different in a way that I love him for what he is. Like we had a mutual understanding. But I don't want to have sex with him. But I have given him a "hand", and him too. But no penetration, or anything sexual. I'm so confused, guys. Am I gay? Or am I not? Am I bi or not? I'm so confused guys. I need help.
I also had a guy that said I was the only boy he had ever been attracted to. He eventually grew out of it, which saddened me (irrelevant, but just to silence the possible questions). I won't say it's something unheard of. It might be that you grew very fond of his character and fell for him as a person, not as a guy. The question you need to ask yourself is, would you see yourself doing something more sexual with him than a hand job? I think this is probably crucial for your relationship and further discovering your sexuality. 1. You might be a low-key bisexual, like a 1 on the Kensey scale (look it up). 2. You might be a heterosexual bi-romantic (which means you can fall in love with both genders but are only sexually attracted to the opposite gender). 3. You might be just curious and developing a bromance with a guy you suspected is gay may have clicked something inside you (which had to be there from the whole start, so go back to numbers 1 and 2)
While it's possible that you might be gay or bisexual, it's not unheard of for people to develop attraction for just a particular person of the same sex. Sexuality can be a hell of a thing to understand. For some people it's pretty simple and for other people it can be a pretty complex thing. Since you've had these feelings for him, has your feelings/attraction to women changed at all?
No, that's why I'm so confused. I'm straight in any way you can think of, except when it comes to him. ---------- Post added 27th Sep 2016 at 07:11 PM ---------- Well, I think that penetration is still gross for me though. But yes, you are exactly correct. I didn't fall for him because of his sex. I fell for him because of his personality, his appearance as well (not that it matters too much, but, yeah), his charm, and everything else about him. I didn't love him because I was gay or something and that he was homosexual. 1. I looked at the Kinsey Scale, and yes, I think I may be a 1. 2. He's the first guy I've fallen for. 3. I'm not the type who judges someone just because of the way they act "outside", you know what I mean? Like, maybe someone may not be able to express himself/herself truly due to the people and society around him/her. So no, I did not believe at first that he was gay. I thought he just liked a little bit feminine stuff like the artists and etcetera. ---------- Post added 27th Sep 2016 at 07:34 PM ---------- And I don't look at girls any differently than before. And towards boys too, except him obviously. And I have a kind of "standard" when I masturbate to someone (sorry). When I just like someone due to looks and outward appearance, I can masturbate to them easily. But, when I LOVE someone I can't seem to do it. I can't seem to masturbate to them, like, I have this strange feeling of wrongdoing and conscience. It's... it's just me I think.
After coming back and rereading what you've posted, what seems to be the major problem you have is trying to label your sexuality. It's understandable that you would want to do so. People, and especially teenagers, want to have a full understanding of who they are as a person. Going back to what I previously said about sexuality, it can be a very complex thing for different people. Given that you're still pretty young, it might be a while before you're able to explore yourself enough to have a full grasp. Some people's sexuality is more fluid (some alterations in sexual preferences, not necessarily straight-to-gay.... not too easy to define) and others remain more static (pretty much stays the same). Like I said, it's understandable that you would want to come up with a label for your sexuality, but given some of the factors I talked about, maybe you might want to consider not really labeling yourself? You don't necessarily have to be straight/gay/whatever... you could just be you. You might not truly have grasp on your understanding just yet, but maybe if you don't try to come up with a label for it it might not stress you out so much.
I agree. I am pretty young still. But why do I get nervous when someone mentions the word gay, or asks me if I'm gay? Maybe because I'm still confused and young. But perhaps the label part just helps me understand myself better. It could also help in some situations and conversations. I'm not exactly the showy and sharing type of person, except if that person is really close, and I mean really close. Thanks for the advice though! I may just need more time reflecting on myself. My true self. Thanks again!
You are already familiar with the Kinsey scale and if you've looked into it carefully you will know that very few people are 100% straight or 100% gay. The overwhelming majority of people are somewhere in between, without necessarily being bisexual. The Kinsey scale mirrors life in general really. Very few things are 100% certain and there is no particular reason why our sexuality should be one of those things. A certain degree of flexibility is normal and reasonable. You developed a bond with Jacob that seems typical of a deep friendship, but you have both willingly experimented and talked about sexuality. Within a close friendship this isn't so unusual and sometimes the lines can become blurred. Over time you may reach a more mature perspective on your feelings for each other. At this stage, I wouldn't rush to label yourself. As I've already said, a degree of flexibility is normal and reasonable and it's most likely that these questions are circling around in your mind because of the gossip and bullying. In truth, the kids who are gossiping about you and Jacob are probably struggling with exactly the same questions. If things change, it's fine and if they don't, it's also fine. Don't force the issue and just enjoy spending time together. That's what life is about at this stage.
Thanks! You really explained it really well. As you said, I should enjoy time with him. Should I still even though my family won't accept me?
Of course. You have developed a close friendship with Jacob and you've experimented a little - that's all. You haven't done anything wrong and I don't see any need to tell your parents all of the details. There is nothing for them to accept or reject at this stage because it's far too early to know how things will develop with Jacob. See how it goes and try to avoid overthinking. There will be plenty of time for that when you are older, I promise you.
It is a very good question, whether you are "gay" or not. I'm not sure at all about that. Others have expressed this, too. One thing I definitely know that you are is a kind, open-minded, and sensitive person. You're a great friend. And that is what, at least, you have for sure--a wonderful friendship. So like the others here, I suggest that you not worry too much about the labels, or what your sexual orientation might be. You've tried to figure that out...clarity on it will come. For now, enjoy your close friend. You have found someone who apparently reciprocates your openness and friendship.
Problem is she knows everything. She has the password to my social media accounts and I don't know why she like to baby me and be so over-protective. She even said the if I don't stop the relationship with Jacob I'd stop schooling for the next year. I posted my problem on the Family, friends, and partners thread. I don't know what to do. ---------- Post added 29th Sep 2016 at 06:20 PM ---------- Thanks! I tend to act like that because I have never really felt any appreciation or gratitiude from my "friends". The tend to ask what they want, which I give because I'm stupid, then they get up and leave. I have really no problem on being gay. I just want to know because I'm still young and many things can still happen and alter myself. For example, Jacob coming into my life. I changed a lot, like a lot. Gays are actually fun company, they tend to express themselves openly but with a limit. But the problem that some homosexual people in our school is that they are very obscene with their language and actions. They tend to give BJs to anyone they want but thats's the only thing that I despise about them a little. Thanks for the advice though. I just want to be a better person in everyone's eyes you know.
