Missed Opportunities

There's a girl I grew immensely attracted to in secondary school. She knew I was trans, and treated me like a guy, and had made comments a couple of times that if I had male parts, she'd consider dating me. We're still good friends. I've never told her I'm attracted to her. I'm worried that it'll change our relationship. But at the same time, I do wish I had the balls (quite literally) to let her know how I feel and see what happens... le sigh.

I should point out that she doesn't know I'm pan. She thinks I'm gay because I've never spoken with her about attraction to women, only attraction to men. I feel like if I started talking with her about my attraction to women and gender-neutral people it'd spiral into me telling her that I like her, so I try to avoid it.

 

I think I was in love with my best friend in high school.

We spent all of our time together, shared a bed on field trips, traded flannels and CDs. I remember the way the auburn curls in her hair fell on her shoulders and the narrow indentation of her waist above where her jeans sat low on her hips.

One afternoon, lying on her bed, she told me that she was bisexual. I remember giving her a hug and telling her that it was okay, but I was a coward and didn't continue the conversation. I think I was afraid of being exposed, as I was so intent on proving everyone else wrong. I was NOT GAY. I liked boys, of course I wasn't gay.

We went to separate colleges and she was one of my bridesmaids. She visited once when I was pregnant, but we haven't spoken since.

For the past few months, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her.

I'm not going to be selfish and call her or anything, but I did write her a short story. It helped me get all my feelings out about her, and described the impasse I find myself in today. I doubt I'll ever send it to her, but it helped me get my thoughts together. The regret is so deep that it burns.

I think we all have regrets and missed opportunities when it comes to love, even people who are completely straight. We never act on our feelings all the time. We're often cowardly, afraid to make the first move, afraid to expose our hearts to people who are in a position to break them.

You're not alone

 

Speaking of missed opportunities... Yeah I had a very close mate in college, whom I used to hang out a lot with.
One day she started teasing me, and I tried to fight all off. I quite honestly didnt know how to handle that as I haven't come out during that time to anyone yet but it was fun. I remember every movement and touch sent some weird feeling to my brain.
She had few advances that freaked me out, we were just very close and my closet was completely shut at that time. So long story short, I got me a boyfriend, got enggaged, and eventually got married and still am.
She kind of drifted away when I got enggaged. Skipped parties that me and my friends went to and just stopped texting or communicating with me. Then I kind of fooled around with an acquaintance at a club I joined, told her about that, told her I thought I was a bisexual, and confessed to her that I almost fell for her. Then it was quiet again for weeks.

What I guess the last straw was when she apologized to me with teary eyes and told me she was sorry for not supporting me, then she said she loved me. My mind was in pieces so I replied a hug and said That of course I loved her too BECAUSE she was my friend. And that i loved her AS A FRIEND. Never really clarified things with her.
Needless to say it wasn't the same anymore. And she didn't go to my wedding. Until now we are mates, but not so close anymore.

She works as a Nurse and has a different life now. But we still talk of getting together once I visit her where she moved.

Well, bummer. It gets to me sometimes, but I'm contented with my life now.

 

yup at the beginning of college I came out to my current group of friends as "nnn-straaight" and ever since then my identifier has been "The World's Gayest Straight Person"all because I couldn't bring myself to say bisexual which I was not feeling too comfortable with at the time. Now it has gotten to the point where I feel as if I have to prove my straightness and hide my gayness. It has cost me potentially good relationships and caused me a great deal of anxiety and stress I regret it entirely.

 

Definitely. Back in college dormitory, I had a close friend who I had a crush on but very shy to tell her although I knew that she was bisexual. I wasn't sure what I was then so I thought it's just a girly crush that would go away because I was into boys 98%. Well, she came to my room one Friday night and asked if she could sleep in my room. I said, "yeah sure my roommate went to her folks and not coming back until Monday." Then, when we're about to sleep, maybe, within 15 mins, she asked if she could sleep beside me. I really didn't pick up the hints and I just told her sure why not. We both did not do anything. But in the morning, after analysing everything, I regretted that I didn't even do anything. I was completely dumb! Oh, well. After 7 years when we met again, I told her that I had a crush on her and she said that she had wanted to make out with me that night but too chicken to do anything.

 

I've always had strange feelings for females since I was a child. My first female crush was the wife of nicholas cage in conair, haha. Then my ever favorite singer mariah back then.
But I never had crushes on my female friends. A big no no even in fantasies, not until I accepted it when I was 25( I was enggaged already.)

Anyway, sometimes i think about the what if's and maybe's if I didn't push her away.
We still message and she says she misses me, so I say I miss her back. I don't really know if she means something with that, well who knows! Don't want to explore it.

 

I've had a few but one in particular that I would share is that after a long term relationship of mine had came to an end...I decided that I wanted to just date which was something that I rarely did. However, one night...a female friend of mine had introduced me to this really hot guy. The guy and I were engaged in conversation the whole night as if we were into our own little world. I felt an instant connection with this guy but wanted to be cautious. Me and this guy had began to see each other on a regular basis and what I really enjoyed most was that he gave really good conversation and we would just get out and walk and talk for hours before we would realize where we were. A couple of months of being around this guy...I began to notice that after spending time with him...I did not want the time to end which resulted in me going home and taking cold showers...haha. Anyway...as time progressed...we began to talk about the feelings we have developed for each other. I was ready to move forward and see where thing would take us. However, since he had not been in a relationship in years...he began to get scared and did not know how to deal with his feelings for me. Unfortunately, we started moving a part from each other and did not see each other that much. My ex came back into my life and things started resurrect again between us and we decided to give our relationship another try.

A couple of years later...I was out with my boyfriend when a group that we were with decided to go out to a club that I had not been to in awhile. During this time...my boyfriend and I were not doing well and on the verge of another breakup because of his heavy drug taking. I was standing there looking really bored and about to leave and all of a sudden ...who appeared in front of me...the handsome guy...he grabbed me and gave me a huge kiss right in front of everyone. He was hugging me really tight and afterwards..he took my hand and directed me towards the dance floor where were slow dancing with our hands all over each other to a house tune..haha..He started telling me how he had been looking for me for awhile but he was not aware that I had moved away or had gotten back together with my ex. What really prompted me to allow myself to get lost again with this handsome guy was that seeing my boyfriend engage in taking drugs and because I did not...he decided to flirt with guys in order to make me jealous. However, all it did was confirmed to me that it was time to be done with the relationship and move on. The handsome guy told me that he was ready to give us a chance and he was not letting me out of his site this time. We started kissing right in the middle of the dance floor. My boyfriend had his friends with him whom had witnessed the kiss and instead of them being pissed off...they were applauding me and motioning me to go for it.

The handsome guy grabbed my hand and told me he wanted me to go home with him. However, on our way out of the club...a crowd rushed out of one of the party rooms and security and the police were entering the club and taking a body out of the club. The body was my boyfriend...he had overdosed. Needless to say...I went to the hospital and the handsome guy went with me as well. To make a long story short...once he got out of the hospital...he tried to commit suicide over the fact of me ending the relationship. I feel into that trap and stayed with him because I was afraid that if he passed away it would be my fault. Unfortunately, my handsome guy went on his way which resulted in the end of me not taking that chance with him as a missed opportunity and I never saw him again.

 

Yes I think we all at one time or another may of felt like we missed an opportunity. Just one of life's lessons. This is how we grow and later learn who/what we are. No regrets.