Okay, so it took me a very long time of denial over the discovery of my sexual attraction to men and I just notice that I have a lot of resistance over dating a guy. The idea of ever getting into a relationship with a man is very repulsive to me and I can't understand why. I know that I have been through bad experiences with guys, but I've been through that with women too. Is the denial over sexual attraction towards a group of people able to lead them to feel disgust instead of excitement when they think about having some kind of sexual/romantic interactions with this group? I can interact with men in my life very easily, it's just the romantic part that bothers me. So... Can a person that is unable to have relationships with men still be attracted to them? Does attraction alone count as an important aspect of one's sexual orientation or only when actions are involved?
Hello, Take a look at this FAQ, and see if it helps you: The Bisexual Index | What is Bisexuality? But, let me answer a question that needs to be as clear as possible: Orientation is about attraction. A gay men who is closeted and doesn't act on his attractions isn't straight, or "less gay". A bisexual female who only had relationships with other women but is still attracted to men isn't lesbian/gay, she is still bisexual if she feels attracted to both genders. Another clear example is the bullshit involved in "conversion therapy". If someone had gay relationships, and suddenly stops acting on them because of abusive therapies, that doesn't mean that the person has become straight. The person is just in denial, hiding the attractions. In resume: Actions are a expression of your orientation, but they aren't the same thing. Your actions don't define your orientation.
Thanks a lot. Let me ask just one more thing? Can you explain how it feels like to be in strong denial, if you've been through that?
Feel free to ask as many questions as you want. That's why we are here! ^^ Personally, i have been through a hard time during my coming out process, but i wouldn't describe it as a strong denial. It is something i have already described in the forum, but, anyway, i don't think my story would help now, haha. Take a look here: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief It is an article focused on parent/family stages of grief, but peraphs the "self" part in each of the stages could clarify things a little bit.
When I was In strong denial I was always trying to fit into the wrong category, but always knew that I didn't quite fit... and in the back of my head I knew the answer, but I couldn't bring to the front of my head. When my denial weakened up a bit, it was in the front of my head, but I couldn't say it out loud. And I was always looking for a way for it NOT to be true. Now I can say it out loud. I still don't want it. But I have to admit, I AM.
