Hi

I'm a 23 year old cis girl. I think I might be bisexual and I'm saying might because I can't admit it even to myself, I've been holding it in for so long and ignoring it and if I do ever think to myself or start to say something to someone else that I *might* be I take it back. I may even delete this even though it's anonymous just so I can tell myself I'm being stupid.
My thoughts/reasons/concerns:
1) If I am bisexual then I like both genders right? So I can just ignore that I like girls. So I can just keep dating guys and I can pick and I don't need to "come out". I'm not REAL lgbt.
2) If I'm bisexual I'm just a slut who likes everybody and people will think I'm a weird slut who can't pick one and if I have to pick one anyway why don't I just pick guys? That way I can live my life as a straight person and why do I even need to address this?
3) I'm in a relationship with a cis male and I have no plans on leaving him or dating a female anytime soon but I don't know if I should tell him when I can't even tell myself.
4) I have a resentment towards lgbt people. I'd like to put here that I don't act on this, I'm supportive of my lgbt friends and I don't support laws that limit their rights. It stems from my bad relationship with my mother, who is a lesbian. She stopped trying to be a parent when I was very young, put a lot of her problems on me, blamed all her problems on my dad, slept around the clock and became addicted to narcotics (and still is). She cheated on my dad with women but wouldn't leave him because she didn't have a job and he was providing for her. After they divorced and she began dating women she chose women that made advances towards me and stole from me and she constantly chose them over me and my brother. I vowed when I was little not to be like her - irresponsible, selfish, not in specific her sexual orientation but since that's part of her and I don't want to be like her I think that's become part of it.
5) My dad, with my mom being a lesbian and cheating on him, hated lgbt people. He actually has a deep resentment towards women in general and expressed that a lot which made me ashamed of my gender and bodily functions related about my gender (stereotypes like all women do is spend a man's money, women can't be trusted with money, once they get over 40 all they do is talk and nag...he encouraged my brother to be a doctor or lawyer and told me i could be a secretary or teacher, he would cover his ears and walk away if me or my mom said something about bras and made it clear that he was disgusted by periods..he made me wear boys clothes and refused to let me wear makeup, etc etc). But in spite of all that I respected him more than my mom because he actually provided for us. His views on lgbt people were extreme to the point that he believed they should be institutionalized and treated the same as pedophiles.
6) I've had 'feelings' towards girls since I was 15. I never did anything about it except once, when I was in high school I "dated" (never called it that) another girl. I kissed her and held her hand but when I thought about doing anything sexual with her I would get panic attacks and feel physically ill. I attributed that to being truly straight and I broke it off with her never to get involved with a female romantically again. I thought of it as a "phase", or that we were really just "close" friends. Whenever I get 'feelings' for girls I tell myself I'm confused, that I'm just envious/appreciative of them from an objective, non-sexual point of view. Even though I can fully accept other people in my life as being lgbt, I cannot begin to accept myself. I have MDD and GAD on top of this and I have this need for people's approval so I think I'm lucky that I'm a cis, thin, attractive white girl and I should just maintain the status quo so I don't have to deal with people's judgement.