Hi. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to say any of this, so bear with me. I have been married for 16 years and have a number of children. I love my husband very much, and over time have developed a decent physical relationship. Before then I was attracted to women almost exclusively but hated myself for it and tried very hard to be heterosexual. In recent months I have been struggling with the fact that I am still attracted to women, emotionally and physically and don't really know what to do. I don't want to torpedo my marriage, but I don't want to pretend I am something I am not. Does anyone have any advice? Sorry to ramble.
Your attractions to other people have nothing to do with your marriage. Lots of people have healthy relationships and they still find other people attractive. So if that's you, then I don't see how it is a problem for your marriage.
Are you not out to your husband? What about other friends and family? If you're marriage is going well, then maybe all it takes is to have some one around who will accept your sexuality. Unless you are starting to feel like you have the urge to be with women and you are having troubles holding it back.
No, I am not out in any way. I guess I just feel like I am living with a limb missing. I am in a very religious setting and know of no one who would approve of anything I am feeling.
So then your attraction to women was something you suppressed for religious reasons? Do you think your husband would divorce you if you came out?
Are you still physically attractive to your husband? Meaning, is your sex life with your husband still active and pleasurable?
It's something I put up with because I care about him. I try my best. Yes, I certainly suppressed things for religious reasons.
You put up with? Geez! 16 years! First of all, DO NOT HATE YOURSELF. You've got to love yourself and the rest doesn't matter, really. I can understand where you're coming from, that religious thing. Being religious is different from how a person's relationship with God. Some people go to church every Sunday, do this, do that but they are full of crap because they are mean and cruel to people who are different from their own perception.
Hey its okay I'm married too and I was in the same boat. Sixteen years? Wow I'm so sorry you felt this way for a long time. I don't know if this helps but I looked at it like this. I love him but I'm not physcially in love with him and I don't want children nor do I want the sex. Would I be doing him a solid by letting him go and having the opportunity to have a wife who will make love to him and have children with him? If you're both happy in the marriage then I say carry on but if not you two should talk. Open things up. Does he know you're past relationships?
