I promised to leave this forum for like a year but I think I need to come back just for this fresher's period at uni - lots of new faces and lots of alcohol brings lots of challenges. Mostly I'm just finding I keep ending up in these situations with guys. And although like downstairs sometimes gets a bit tensed up when I dance close with a guy in that sorta way... It makes me sort of freaked out. If I ever get to kissing them it's disgusting and I start to wanna run off... Eventually this guy I was dancing with on Sunday totally wanted to go back and have sex with me because I had somehow managed to lead him on for a good 3 hours... I had to stop it at that point. Now I have to run away whenever i see him. Recently this guy I was friends with just seems to have started getting close and cosy with the dancing and tonight it was just freaking me out because I feel like I need to stop letting this happen and I definitely don't wanna loose a friend over it. Tonight I hid from him in the toilet cos I so badly did not want anything to escalate. Probably nothing would've happened but that's the point I'm at But look at me. I'm sorta pursuing these guys. Am I just becoming nervous? I mean my friend had to take a break from the boy she was with tonight because she was nervous but I can tell she's into him. Or should I just stop going for the make option just cos they're available. Nervous or gay? Nervous or gay? I'm just confused because I've never thought I could be till likw this yeargay, bi at most but as time goes on and the interest I had had previously in men has become a reality the whole prospect of being intimate with guys is making my skin crawl. I just wish I could have some easy realisation that i was actually gay all along and then avoid these situations by being a proud lesbian or something. But that would also be weird cos I obviously have some interest in these guys. . I'm just a bit stressed and a bit drunk.
