Okay so I am going to tell you a bit more about this topic of this shame of possibly being gay. Essentially looking, I am not so much ashamed of being gay. What being gay means in its essence, I am not ashamed of that. Girls like girls, boys like boys. end. Not a problem. But I don't want my identity to revolve around my sexuality, I want it to be a normal thing that just doesn't get so much attention. I don't want questions, I don't want attention. I want to have the same attention as a heterosexual. When I see people whose identity only revolves around being gay, I get disgusted and sad. Like there was this girl who I knew who had broad interests in everything, but when she came out, her whole demanour completely changed. Everything she did had something to do with being gay. And it's understandable in a way, but I don't want to do that. And for some reason I don't even want to be related to her, which is kind of, rude and weird at the same time. When I get asked what my sexuality is, I panic. If I tell people I like girls, I want it to be handled in a non-consuming way. I don't want to make people uncomfortable in a way that they feel like they should ask me stuff about it. I don't want people saying how difficult it must have been. I get disgusted. It's like having a long-term sickness that ''normal'' people feel like they have to give attention to every time they see you like stop??? I don't want to be treated as a special-snowflake-pretty-sunfower-that-should-be-protected. I hate being treated as a special snowflake. I don't want to be a special snowflake. And in this culture nowadays, in which homosexuality gets discussed more and more, people are constantly talking about it. It's just, I get sick. Can't we talk about something else? Does anyone have the same problem? (ps: Clearly I am not on good terms with my sexuality. I am still in doubt of what it is. either way it's bisexual or homosexual. I know I can like girls, idk what to think of boys.) ((pss: I know what It feels like to be treated like a special snowflake. And I feel ashamed of even telling this, but I am a HSP. so I am easily overwhelmed and people are constantly saying ''are you okay do we need to go and not go camping for three weeks??''. Like no stop we are going camping!! Don't give me special attention shut up!! clearly, I am also not on good terms with my sensitivity. still.)) ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2016 at 02:14 PM ---------- I mean I know it's necessary to talk about homosexuality. I know. I also know that it's good that people come out or label themselves. I am not one to judge other people for their actions, that's no fair. I do not mean harm to anyone who likes to talk about their sexuality, you do you I know the way that I feel right now is not fair towards other people, but I still feel that way and I want it to stop. That's why I posted this thread.
I get what you mean. I am totally guilty of this. My queerness has sort of consumed me and now I'm like FUCK I've become so boring when did that happen? But you have utter control over that. You can tell people you're gay, and it may consume your identity, but only if you don't have anything else going for you. If you have obvious passions and talents those can totally stay in the forefront if you make them worth noticing. Straight people might have an easier time because... They don't have anything else much to help them stand out than their interests even if theyre pretty casual and non committal with all of them. But tbh you don't want to be casual and non committal about everything anyway. Thats pretty boring whether you're gay or straight or bi or pan etc. So just be interesting and throw yourself at your interests and it won't even occur to any well meaning person to box you in because they'll just wanna want to know you for how cool you are.
Hey Loppox and welcome! I completely understand what you're saying (as I also feel that way). For me, my orientation shouldn't matter so I don't bring it up, unless someone explicitly asks. No one of my friends asks me about being gay/not straight, they just don't. :lol: They are my friends for other reasons than my sexuality, so it really doesn't matter. Perhaps you are afraid that people will treat you differently, and some may indeed, but I honestly think that that won't be the case (for the majority of the people you interact with). Surely, someone might say "that they feel sorry for what you went through", but remember that those people are only trying to make you feel better. =) They're not belittling you. You can simply say "thanks, but it's no big deal to me, really". I think that should suffice. I think you fear that people will bring up the discussion of homosexuality, because you're not completely comfortable with it yourself in some way. But believe me, people will not talk to you about it much unless you give them reasons to (like, if you were to bring up an LGBT topic). People are way too busy caring about themselves than to talk to you about LGBT things. Sure, they may occasionally ask about something, but is that really that bad? Believe me, the vast majority of people will not treat you any different. Cheers and take care, Quem
I can kind of understand you and like SHACH I also fell in the trap at the beginning. I think I had repressed my sexuality and that side of me for so long that when I finally accepted it, it litterally consumed me and I kind of tried to make up for it ( I did not start to wear flannel shirts and beannies nor anything lol but was definitely much more focused on my "gay side" and on everything LGBT related) now I feel I am a bit back to normal but it's true that I will never be able to get back to how things were when I was in denial and avoided talking about girls ( mostly because I prefere girls... ). Your homosexuality or bisexuality doesn't have to consume all your life though. It doesn't even have to consume you at all. You could simply remember yourself and others that on top of being queer you are a million other things and that your sexuality is only a small part of you. I doubt though that your friends will talk to you about it too much, if they do, it will be at the very beginning and will be more to ask about your journey and all that and after that you'll most likely be back to having to hear exclusively about guys and your friends' problems with their boyfriends/crushes. My friend rarely mention my sexuality, ,and will only really bring it up when they want to know if I have someone in my life or if they want to have a point of you from someone who find girls attractive and could possibly relate to guys feelings like " As a girl who like girls, what do you think of X ? Or would that bother you if X happens, etc..." but it's a rare occurence. Like Quem said, chances are they'll be too focused on themselves and their own problems to actually care and ask you heaps of questions about your sexuality all the times, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.
Thank you all for your kind words. It's true, people are probably too focused on themselves, I shouldn't worry that much. It's just that all my friends are pushing me into dating, while I absolutely not want that. They try and set me up with guys and I constantly reject them. While I say I am not interested in dating, they just keep on pushing or trying to figure out why or how it is that I don't want to date. Even the persons who I've said to that I might only like girls. But it is also a fact that my surroundings do in fact talk alot about LGBT+ topics. It's just a hot topic nowadays appearantly. I guess it was just some kind of twisted rant hah. I think I just need to be persistent in the whole ''I am not going to date anyone anytime soon''. thank you all again. have a nice day
Your identity don't have to be around your sexual orientation. My life isn't dominated by it, but it might be because I can't be out to every single person that I know. Well, I'm still pretty much the same person that I used to be before coming out, really. I used to like video games, being kinda androgynous, a writer and blah blah blah. I still am like that. Of course, it does make you feel more free to do things that you were repressing and some people probably were trying to hard to hide a part of who they are that when they came out, they just couldn't keep themselves from living the part of their life that they couldn't. It doesn't mean that you are going to change, you might just be exactly the same person that you are today or just have some small "changes".
