New here, need advice

So I am 14 and have always been a lesbian and been very happy and comfortable about it. I never doubted it. I have always had crushes on girls.

When I turned 12, I began to know what it meant when people started to tease me for being lesbian. They called me bad and wanted to "degay" me. I felt very bad about it and don't associate with those people anymore. I am homeschooled and have been ever sine I turned 7.

I met this girl online in July 2015 and fell in love with her. She was perfect. I loved her more than anything. But she didn't love me back or appreciate my love for her. Then in July of 2016 I stopped contacting her. I hardly was able to talk to any of my other online friends since days after I stopped contacting her, our internet went out and our computer crashed as well.

On August 1st, I began to start doubting whether I really am lesbian or not. Thinking about girls all the time has become a bit boring since I had no girl to love. But two to three weeks later I had a thought in my mind that if I had an attraction to guys, what if I wanted to kiss or have sex with one? The thought disgusted me but I tried to put up with and force myself to like these thoughts. At the end of September I forced myself to just accept these thoughts and just think as if I was straight. I began to not feel myself and hate the way I am. I kept questioning whether I should be with a guy instead of a girl. I don't feel me anymore, and it doesn't feel right to like guys, I don't feel sexually attracted to them! But I keep wondering if a guy would treat me better than a girl would, and I am also afraid to get in a relationship with a girl as many things could go wrong; teasing by others, hurtful comments, what if the love is one sided, things like this.

I find a girl's body sexually attractive. I find the curves, hair, and sweet smile all attractive, but not a guy's. I don't see why abs are so hot. Although it is also hard sometimes as I am uncomfortable with my own body, and it can be a little odd to like girl bodies. I only want a relationship with a girl, but afraid I can't have it. I get jealous when I see guys in love with girls and want to make the girl mine. I find some guy's faces cute, but not sexually attractive.

I'm terrified I will become straight, I don't want to be! But it seems like my brain likes these thoughts, even though my heart doesn't. Most girls have been so mean to me and think I am disgusting or gross. But I can't help it if I am a lesbian and I want to be that. I also feel insulted when seeing some lesbian things because it feels like they are making fun of me.

I need advice please! I am really scared and confused! But I keep wondering if I would be better off with a guy and he would treat me better than girls would. Girls just don't seem to appreciate my love. When I fantasize about one I always think it won't work. But I really want it to...