Hello All, I realize that this topic comes up fairly frequently, but I was hoping that a little input from the community on my particular case might help to clarify some things for me. Anyway, for the past few months, I have seriously been considering the possibility that I am bisexual. I have had more than a few relationships with women over the years, which I have enjoyed, but I tend to mess them up around the time that any kind of sexual activity starts to loom on the horizon (from my perspective, of course). So even though I had never questioned my sexuality per se, I did not know until very recently how I would feel about this kind of scenario when it came up. To make a long story short: I ended up becoming a 25 year old who had never had sex largely because of this tendency and my own guilt/shame/religious hangups about the whole thing. Basically, I had never thought about my sexuality other than in a very abstract way until a few months back. Anywho, as I started to put some things together - I had always kind of realized that I found men attractive, had only a limited interest in sex with women, occasionally fantasized about having sex with men, never quite got the masculine thing, etc. - I also began seeing a woman that I had met previously. We ended up having sex super early on - possibly because I didn't have enough time to implode before I realized what I had gotten myself into - and although I was able to... ahem, how shall we say, rise to the task (?) I found that I didn't really enjoy myself, and that I had a really difficult time trying to stay excited enough to do the deed. I thought maybe that this was a fluke and that the combination of guilt/my being drunk/first time may account for my lack of enthusiasm. In any case, we ended up sleeping together one more time, and again, I felt like I was totally missing whatever was supposed to be nice about sex. I am just really confused at this point. I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but does this sound like I am starting to realize that I am not as straight as I had assumed that I was? Or am I just projecting my baggage?
Hi MrBears, first of all I feel you. I was, up until very recently, very much like you. I dated women casually but more out of the desire for an intimate relationship, then out of any real sexual desire for any of these girls. Most of my fantasies were about guys though. I consider myself a bisexual leaning on homosexual. Never having sex until you are 25 can be frustrating, I know. But it is not a really big deal, you don't have to be ashamed of it. The important thing is not to put to much weight on your one experience. A good friend of mine put it like this: "Bad Sex happens" So even straight guys do not enjoy all the sex they have with women. This counts especially if you were drunk. But if you really feel that you are missing something in sex with a woman, feel absolutely free to experiment with a guy. Whether you are straight, bi, gay or anything else, that's up to you to decide. I would suggest that you put yourself out there. There are a lot of safe and enjoyable ways to experiment romantically and sexually, depending on your surroundings and your general outlook on casual sex and dating. The important part is to get rid of expectations and just to go along with what feels comfortable, nice and exciting. You don't need to jump into bed with men and women, but maybe broadening your horizon will tell you something. Even flirting and kissing can give you some pointers. Stay safe and stop worrying. If you are not straight, then you are in very good company and there are a lot of great men out there. If you are straight, there are still women out there with whom sex will feel great ;-). Enjoy it, but don't feel forced or do stuff that feels forced.
I agree with Iliricon. Stop worrying. Don't get drunk when you are going to have sex. If your mind isn't in synch with your dick, then it's not gonna work. Take your time. Let go of the things that make you stop having sex. You are free but be responsible, staying safe. Goodluck.
Thanks for the advice, both. I really appreciate your input. I think that you are both absolutely right, but it is hard to stop feeling anxious about what feels to me like a huge question. I've actually made plans to go out with a man later this week and I am really excited. Here's hoping it turns out well
MrBears, I'd like to second the suggestion by Lora. Don't drink. If you really want the possibility that your next experience could be instructive to you on questioning your sexuality, do it sober. You won't be able to hide behind "Yeah, but I was drunk." Let us know how it goes!
