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Bisexual, inlove and married to a hetero.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hushhh, Oct 4, 2016.

  1. Hushhh

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    Greetings everyone!

    Let me start by saying something about myself. I am 29 and a bisexual. I have always had some girl and boy crushes since I was young. I've never liked make-ups and all girly stuff, and grew up with four brothers by the way.
    I just joined yesterday, stumbled upon few articles that somehow made me realize I am not the only one struggling with this feeling. That somehow some people might actually understand without me scared of being judged.

    Anyway, I work in a medical field, have been married for a couple of years now, I have no kids yet but planning to have one. I guess my husband has always known I have bisexual tendencies bcs I met him on my secret account on twitter and maybe saw exchanges with other women but we never talked about it though. I guess I was just looking for love and didn't matter which gender. But when I got closer to my then twitter friend(now husband), I decided to deactivate my 2nd account and then we just hit it off and eventually got married.

    I love my husband so much, but I recently caught myself enjoying fanfiction stories about characters in a drama series on tv. Anyway, I am so afraid of what the result of this recent feelings that sprouted in me. i mean I've always had a certain feeling when I see on screen romance between women.
    I was attracted to a very close friend before, and fooled around with an acquaintance once. I Might be overthinking things. I don't have plans of cheating, but somehow I can't help feeling guilty for feeling this way while actually liking it, and constantly sneaking on the internet to read romantic stories and watch videos of the same sex. Kind of a guilty pleasure.

    I came out to a close friend today, he completely understands. But I still don't think of coming out anytime soon. Don't really know what I could get for writing this, but it does feel good to write how I feel.

    Regards to everyone,

    Hushhh
     
  2. CameOutSwinging

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    Have you thought about casually bringing it up to your husband? If you guys met on Twitter on the account that you were using to openly flirt with women, and you say that you think he might already know because he probably saw those interactions, I'd say just bring that up. Like "hey, remember when I used to be on Twitter all the time flirting with girls?" Or something maybe less direct? Not sure how to word it. But it seems like there's an easy road into the conversation. You could at least see his feelings on the topic that way.
     
  3. Hushhh

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    Hi cameoutswinging, I don't think I could muster my courage to bring that topic up. I feel I'm not ready and I'm ashamed of it. he actually just hugged me a while ago and I had to tuck my phone away.

    Dunno what's gotten into me for actually needing to vent this out, I came so far already with all this bottled up feelings and urges, don't wish it blowing all over my face one of these days. (Sigh)
     
    #3 Hushhh, Oct 4, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2016
  4. cocoyo

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    Hi Hushhh,

    You wrote on my thread previously. Thanks for your replies. Our situations are similar so I wanted to write to you over here. I totally understand wanting to remain faithful to your husband. I feel the same way. I don't want to cheat on my partner. But it's hard to be so close to a person and feel strongly for them whilst hiding, what I think, is a crucial part of who you are.

    I think my boyfriend and I are a little further along with this process than you and your husband are in that I regularly bring up my sexual attraction to women to my boyfriend. We often use same-sex fantasies as our foreplay or watch girl-girl porn together. I totally understand that you're not feeling ready to come out point blank. That's completely up to you. But it also seems like you're not enjoying hiding this part of yourself from your husband. Could you potentially ease into it by suggesting you watch girl-girl porn or perhaps verbalizing one of your same-sex fantasies to him during sex?

    My partner is really excited by this and enjoys my girl-girl porn/fantasies as a regular part of our sex life. While I think he doesn't totally take me seriously and may even believe that I just say those things to turn him on it allows me to at least express some of what I'm feeling.
     
  5. Hushhh

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    Hi cocoyo,

    You're right we are far from where you and ur bf are, in fact we've discussed nothing about the topic. The farthest we've gone was when we were drinking and his cousins asked who is hotter between taylor swift and katy perry. Haha such a stupid topic but I said I would totally go for katy perry though, earning me a pause from the boys, but then they just continued.
    And of course he knows I don't like make-ups and dresses which suits him bcs he doesn't like them either.

    We met on another social media site where I created secret account to talk to both women and men, well more for women. I guess he knows I have tendencies to like women, but we've never discussed them after we got serious. It is just really hard for me for now. It messes with my head from time to time. I wish I could open up to him someday.

    Anyway, thanks for dropping a message :slight_smile:
     
  6. cocoyo

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    No problem and best of luck. You might be pleasantly surprised if you decide to open up...even just on a fantasy level.
     
  7. Hushhh

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    Hmmm how do you mean with open up?

    I know I won't be doing that anytime soon, but it's just right to at least consider it.
    I am fully aware that I am being unfair to my man and to myself. (Sigh. Heartache)

    Cheers to me!
     
  8. cocoyo

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    I guess I just mean that you don't necessarily have to tell him "Hey I think I am bisexual" but you could say "Hey I want to try something new in the bedroom. Would you want to watch some girl-girl porn with me, or would you like to read some of the fan-fictions I am reading?" Or maybe you open the conversation by saying: "Have you ever had a sexual fantasy you felt uncomfortable or embarrassed about? Would you tell me about it?" Maybe he would say no. But maybe he would say yes which would give you an opportunity to talk about your feelings. Just a thought...
     
  9. Lora

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    What Cocoyo means is for you to casually open up your fantasies about women to your husband.

    But first, you have to understand that you have to learn to accept and love yourself. This is what you are. Period. The other thing is...is your husband ready or open-minded enough in this kind of thing. If he's religious and very traditional, then you'll have problems.
     
  10. Hushhh

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    Thanks cocoyo and lora for the ideas. I don't really know if I could do it, and how exactly. So thanks for the suggestions.

    I accept and love myself but not to the extent that I can be open about it. My man isn't religious by the way, I am, but that isn't an issue for me anymore.
    I know I will have to sooner or later deal with my emotions. But just not going to force it for now I think.

    Anyway thanks again for taking time to comment :slight_smile: much appreciated.