Hello everyone ! Im a 19 year old male who has identified as a bisexual for about 2 years now... im not out to family, but i am to friends. Anyways... if only bisexuality where 50/50 i would have no reason to even write this... I have alot of questions, so sorry if it gets kind of out of order... My sexual attractions towards women are pretty wide.... i find girls my age attractive and milfs etc... Towards guys its way more narrow... i basically only find one type of guy attractive, and that is feminine looking guys... "twinks" is the word i think. my problem seems to be the fact that i actually feel a somewhat stronger attraction to these guys than to any women... the problem is that they are so rare though... and my biggest fear is that when i turn 25+ its too late for me to form a relationship with one of these guys since im too old. Obviously i am still gonna find women attractive that also are 25+, but its just not as strong of an attraction... I mean its obviously gonna be a positive thing for me to be in a relationship with a woman, but it seems that it would be even better with a guy.... but that wont be possible due to my very specific preference in guys, and then i fear that im gonna live my whole life unhappy. Another thing.... whenever i watch porn its always straight porn, and my focus is always on the women... but again its just a sexual thing... i have had what i would call chrushes on alot of guys, but never really on a girl... On the other hand i have never actually had any females other than my mom close to me in life... no female friends or a girlfriend etc.... Can this be the reason why i feel so little emotions towards girls? because i simply have no experiences of any closeness to them? Well overall what i find to depress me deeply and also to cause anxiety is this: being aged 25+ in a relationship with a woman, who sexually satisfy me, but me constantly seeing these twink types on the street and then thinking to myself " I am never gonna have that".... Or am i just putting to much into this whole "love" thing? maybe im just too much of a hopeless romantic?
You said it yourself: your attraction to the "twinks" is stronger. It rarely happens because you haven't fully accepted yourself yet. Take the time to be honest with yourself. The longer you prolong that, the worse it'll be over time.
Yeah, bisexuality isn't 50/50. I lean more towards women, but also like feminine guys, and some more masculine ones too. Like Heythere said, just be honest with yourself. I don't think you have to be XYZ by age 25 or it's over. That isn't how life works.
I share your issue with being attracted to a wider variety of women than men, but the crushes on men being much stronger. I like similar guys too.
I think I have a similar problem. Definitely I find more guys attractive, I just would so much rather be with a specific sort of girl that I find the guys sorta irritating. Similarly I have never felt the same way emotionally about guys as girls. Really I'd rather be able to call myself gay so that I could just go for what I want without getting bothered by guys but I really can't because there is probably still potential with some of these guys. Like I imagine I could end up with a guy although that's not really what I want I find it perfectly likely with the amount of guys I find attractive that one of them may have a sparkling enough personality to pull me in. I'd just, from this current objective perspective where I have no member of either sex currently dazzling me, rather I found a girl before that can happen. Sometimes I wonder if my feelings for guys is anything more than aesthetic attraction and admiration, but really feelings towards guys have been present all my life, more so than those for girls really, and probably point to me being bi... I hate this label game.
Thank you so much for your replies! So... Do you have any advice on what to do? Because i really dont know what to do.... Maybe im just asking for too much in terms of finding an ideal partner... I mean, the guys i find attractive are in such a specific "box" that it seems like a risk even spending my time trying to pursue it... Right now im really just trying to focus on other positive things in life... And trying to somehow convince myself that love isnt the only thing great thing to life... the problem is just that i feel as though love is such an important and existentiel part of life.. and i just feel like fooling myself all the time because i kind of try to push it away... So maybe i should just accept that my ideal vision of a perfect and loveable relationship wont be able to occur, or atleast that it shouldn't be something that i expect. What do you guys think?
I really don't know how to deal with it. But yeah I'm trying to take your approach. I don't think that what's holding me back is that love is such an essential part of life though, because we have to learn to be patient for that, it's more guys pursuing me and me not knowing what to do with them because I'm looking out for this girl that hasn't appeared. Thats what's stopping me from thinking about other things currently. But mostly if I do end up stuck thinking about love I have to tell myself that I will only meet the perfect person for me if I am the great sort of interesting person I want to be. I have to refocus on other things and acheive things and participate in things I love to meet someone I love so that's what I must put my mind to next whenever I am fawning over love - what can I do next to be better myself?
Well, geez, i felt like this years ago, when was bisexual. Don't envy you in the least (been there..done that). Was very hard for me. Always felt like i was sitting on a fence, and had to choose ONE or the other. Eventually was at a juncture in my life when i made a choice. Used to only be attracted to one type of womon (Stone Butches), but got involved with a (not stone) butch lesbian who i've been living with the past 22 years (yes 22). We became involved only after i had been in 2 marriages (to men) that lasted about 9 years each. Am 57 years old, and am living proof that getting into a relationship is possible at any age. You find your soulmate when you find them. Know this hasn't been all that helpful, but thought i'd give it a try.
See, what do you mean, QueerKiki when you say you used to be bisexual? Like I can look back on my life and say that on average till age 17ish maybe 16, that I was a Kinsey 2 at most. At 17 I slowly accepted the idea of being bi and actually let my girl loving side flow and now suddenly I feel like I'm almost gay. I don't have any should've known moments from earlier in life though, I was actually interested in boys as a concept just now it's reality I'm feeling more into girls... So when you say "was bi" do you mean, you later realised your a lesbian, or that you were actually bi and have changed, or that you actually had been compromising by calling yourself bi and in hindsight realise it was quite obvious you were a lesbian all along? Cos nothing seems obvious to me.
Guess i changed, evolved (or morphed) into a new concept of self (was definitely bisexual). Now am exclusively a lesbian, but for a long, long time i was also attracted to men. Came out as a bisexual when i was 13, with my bestie, back in the day (1970's). Didn't have any "should've known moments" either. It just sort of happened after both of us individually had decided that we were both bi, and chose to stay at one another's houses. Spent the time from then until about 22 years later as bi. found my soulmate, divorced my then spouse (male), she and i moved together. Do not hold ANYTHING against my 2 male spouses, they were great men-not at all judgemental, but they are men. Wasn't all that simple, but you get the idea. rotflol. Things weren't obvious to when i was experiencing them, but got clearer looking back at them.
If you are not 50/50 thats cool. You just like what you like. Kind of a fan of twinks or girly boys myself. You can be 70/30 or 60/40 or any other percentage. Just be yourself and do what makes you happy.
I feel like I don't have a preference for either gender. But with women I haven't really met one that could be my potential girlfriend.. I had talked to about three women so far, and I even asked a really hot co-worker if she was single and she's kind of wasn't cuz she's currently talking to someone and I just let that go.. With guys, I haven't found a decent guy to talk to yet.. And guys are being jerks right now so I don't know honestly..
I can relate to these parts. First: I've always watched straight porns too, and I could only come to them. Well lately I've seen f on f porn and I liked them but straight porn excites and gets me there faster. I've read many posts about gays getting turned on by seeing women, and vice versa, I also don't know how to explain the phenomenon, but I've seen a lot of posts about that here. Second: I grew up with brothers and male cousins. I asked myself if this was the reason why I like girls? Bcs i know a lot of their adventures in bed, womanizing, and so on. That's why I have trust issues too. Third: I also think the same way when I see attractive women "that I can never have them" Sometimes I point them out to my husband just to tease him. (He doesn't know btw) Fourth: I am hopeless romantic. I almost fell for people who were kind to me in the past. I guess we just have so much love to give, but sometimes our hang ups are left hovering. Many days we could be ok, and some days they just haunt us. I know I don't have great insights on what you're going through, but just want to tell you that this struggle is not unique(don't mean it negative). I have read a lot of posts here quite similar to this. so... cheer up! <3 ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 12:47 AM ---------- Hy Wow cheers to 22 years! Congrats! I'm married, bi, and so not out. Divorce scares me. I love my husband, and it scares me to think how he would react had he known I was bi. Now it scares me more because I know he is not my soulmate. I've always said my mom is my soulmate, But what if she's not? (Sigh) anyway, you wouldn't wish to go back to our stage. I don't wish to be in this stage either! Haha!
See I am in LITERALLY the exact same boat. As a kid I just assumed i'd end up married to a guy with 2+ kids with a dog in a house in the suburbs. Until I met the girl that changed everything in high school, so I kept denying it to myself and finally realized I was bi sophomore year of college. Then I dated a couple of men but never could become emotionally attracted to them like I was with women, so now i'm at a crossroads where I might be a lesbian, might be bi, basically no clue who the fuck I am
Well, 25 isn't old. There is younger guys that dig older guys. For me I either feel gay or bi depending on the day, my attractions have changed to people in my age group.
Omg yes. Yes that's me. At 17 trigger girl crush blew my mind, now, literally every interaction with a guy just makes me feel weird and empty. I just cant deal with them. It's just like, I guess I never understood how one is supposed to feel? And now I do I'm pretty sure I just don't have that with guys...
