Okay, im from UK, an I am 42. This is my story. About 17 months ago I had my first ever relationship with a woman, I know I left it very late. I'd always liked girls and always wanted a girlfriend and always masturbated thinking about women. But soon after the relationship started i got the feeling that something was very wrong, the kissing had little effect on me. On our second date we went to the cinema and were making out in the car park, I really wanted it, i wanted to feel her breasts and I did, and more besides but there was nothing going on in my pants...and then it hit me like a juggernaught, Im gay!,! I strung the relationship out for about 3 months, at the end of that time I tried to make love to her but couldn't get an erection, she was sympathetic but we split up about half an hour later. I wouldn't say I was disgusted by the sight of her naked body.....but I was repelled. I knew I could never repeat the experience. I thought I realised that day that I was homosexual. What followed was a year of intense depression and anxiety focussed on my sexuality, i felt like the universe was trying to force me into a sexual relationship with a man. I thought about it intenseley, the lifestyle, the culture, the sexual act itself. I was very poorly, I realised that if I was gay I could never be in a sexual relationship with a man, because the idea of it gives me the skeebies! Please don't be offended by my words, i have a great respect for the LGBT community, 11 years ago my best friend at the time came out to me, it was a shock but we stayed friends anyway. So here I am now, nearly 17 months after my first relationship started still wondering what am I. I still look at naked pictures of women, and I still get erections and masturbate over them, but somethings changed in my head, in a way I feel like I might be gay. I don't always get the erections naturally, if you know what I mean (hand shuffle, lol) I have a crush on an older woman now, but am scared that if we got together and things got sexual, the same thing might happen again. I do fantasise about her. Another thing to note is that after the relationship started 17 months ago, I started having strange dreams at night and early in the morning and waking up with erections, I think some of the dreams had gay sexual imagary in them. They added to my anxiety. Sometimes though I have dreams that have nothing to do with sex and wake up with erections. So here I am, a man that might be gay and in denial, or a man who is straight and just confused or curious. Or it could be that I am asexual as I feel that I can't be in a relationship with a woman and I don't want to be in one with a man. I did go through a lengthy spell in my teens where I thought I might be gay, I was told by doctor that a lot of young lads go through such a phase, but for the next 20 odd years after the fact, I was mad on women. Please help and advise.
Never too late to experiment, have you considered using dating sites/apps and trying out a simple date with a man?
Thats just the thing hptrek, everytime I think about it, I recoil, feel vey uncofortable and become depressed. I see men as friends, but can't deny there might be something else going on and feel repelled.
Do you feel anything sexual towards men or had any experience with guys? Just because you don't have interest in women it doesn't mean that you must be gay. You could be asexual or maybe you could even be straight with erection or anxiety problems, maybe.
I do have a histiry of mental illness and i did read on google that my anti-depressants may cause sexual problems. ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2016 at 06:54 PM ---------- I get ocassionally get sexually aroused but I'm so confused by whats going on in my head I can't determine wether its women or men I am being aroused by. ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2016 at 06:56 PM ---------- I was very sexually attracted to women before this experience, but on the day we tried to make love I became intimidated and I had thoughts of 'ewwww no!' ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2016 at 06:59 PM ---------- In the year following the break up I thought I was developing sexual feelings towards men, yes. ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2016 at 07:00 PM ---------- But they seem to be dying away now. ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2016 at 07:02 PM ---------- I'ts very rarely I get a full erection, naturally I have to hand jack it, so yes I do have erection problems.
I read in an article whilst I was on holiday in June, it said that straight men are up for it all the time, they like sex with women and want it often and are always persuing it. It said some Men who are gay sometimes stay virgins all their lives and make excuses for not being in relationships with women, which is something I have always done. I don't care if I never have sex with women now. Taking all this into consideration, I must be gay!
I don't know how to help on the issue as a whole, but I can tell you that article is completely false. It's attitudes like that that lead to men being raped by women (even if the law doesn't see it as rape) as well as the idea that men are uncontrolled animals and will rape a woman because "they always want to". Straight guys do not always want sex, are not always looking for sex, and will not have sex with every woman they see. You get the rare guy like that, but most guys are not like it at all. The only true part is that some gay/bi men will completely hide their sexuality by either being in a (near-)celibate marriage to a woman or by staying a virgin all their life. But even then, people of any sexuality can decide not to have sex (to be celibate - this is NOT the same as being asexual, which is a sexuality in and of itself and therefore not something done by choice) or not to get married just because it doesn't interest them. I'd really recommend not basing your sexuality on this article... Also not sure why people keep asking if you're asexual. You clearly stated that you've been aroused by women for years and that you're now aroused by men (though repulsed by it). It sounds more like you have internal homophobia going on from my perspective. Would recommend talking to an LGBT-friendly therapist, if you can find one and afford it. Good luck. (*hug*)
Hi electronicmusic, It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. I'll just make two suggestions. First, if you are still on medication that could affect you sexually or make it difficult to get an erection, you could try speaking to your doctor (or whoever prescribed them) and see what they say. They may suggest alternative medication or, at the very least, should be able to explain what the side effects cause - i.e. if they cause physical but not emotional problems and so on. Second (or alternatively), you mentioned your best friend came out to you - could you get in touch with him or if you still in contact could you speak to him about it? He might be someone you could speak to and think things through with, he'd have an understanding a changing self-conception and he might be a good sounding board for you. Obviously, if you aren't comfortable speaking to either of them about possibly being gay or bi then it might be easiest for you to stick to EC for now. Mainly, I think that your way through this is to just talk about it here. The fact that you will be writing it out should help you clarify things as you will have to think through more fully what you write than say. So here is something to think about - you've mentioned your sexual situation quite a bit but what about the romantic/emotional side of things? How would you feel about dating a man - so nothing sexual - but just spending time with a guy in a romantic setting? Does that appeal to you? If you are happy to answer then it might help you think about relationships in their entirety and not just sexually (although that is important so is the emotional side of things). P.S. Based on the age you've stated, you might want to trust your experience as a 20 year old over a doctor from 22 years ago who may not have been the most clued up on sexual orientation. It may have been a phase, it may not but you are the only one who can judge, not that doctor (that is even assuming that he wasn't prejudiced).
