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Am I bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Rastafarian, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. Rastafarian

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    Hello there, folks! So, a while ago I registered here to get some advice. Having checked out the anonymous forum, I decided to go head on and post on the real deal. No use in further anonimity. :slight_smile:

    Alright, here it goes: I'm a 26 year old male, who's been straight his entire life. Had 3 lovely gfs before my current one, and have slept with my fair share of other women, and have never felt any attraction to any men at all. Having said that, I've always felt weird and anxious when a gay guy hit on me, but never fantasised about anything. Never even had dreams about it at all.

    Fast forward to last year, as I had a most traumatising breakup with my former gf on the eve of my bday - no kidding, 20 minutes before the clock hit midnight. Ever since I've been plagued by doubts in my waking hours, as well as during sleep. I can't get rid of this all-too present and foreboding thought that somehow I've always been either gay or bi. I googled this up and found HOCD, and been treating it as some kind of obsession, but my therapist is bent in claiming that I'm bi, no matter what I claim. Yesterday, as my gf was giving me a head, I had this image pop up of a gay man whom I know doing it, and got instantly aroused, but couldn't really come. When I resorted to thinking of my gf it was a bombastic orgasm and she told me "whoa, that was something." Kinda clueless as to what this means.

    So, that's it... I wanted to know your input; supposedly I should have known it for all my life, but I haven't ever felt the attraction, nor the desire. My therapist claims in some cases repression may put it out of the picture entirely, but I never felt arousal: nor in high school, when puberty hit, nor when at the dressing rooms and showers at the gym, nor when I went to gay parties and clubs with gay friends. Never. I know the subconscious can be repressed, but surely I should have felt something before, right?

    Thanks in advance, people. Gotta love your community and good disposition. Keep it up. :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Rastafarian, Oct 11, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2016
  2. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    If you have never felt sexual arousal for men themselves then maybe it's just a fantasy to you?
    Because repression doesn't really repress the sexual urges themselves it's more of a person forcing themselves to seem or act straight by continuously ignoring their arousal or playing it down.
    You could be of corse but if you don't want to kiss or do anything else with a guy then I'm pretty sure you're straight.
    Even if your psychologist is right and you are bisexual but don't plan on acting on it you could still consider yourself straight as you would only be interested in pursuing relationships with women despite being physically attracted to both. There is a certain freedom with labels based on preferences and so on.

    I'm not sure if HOCD is a thing...it has been debated about back and forth on this forum so...*shrug*


    I think the question you should ask yourself is what about gay men hitting on you makes you feel weird and why would you think about being gay without any physical arousal for men? Seeing what thoughts are behind those thoughts is always helpful but sometimes difficult to find.
     
    #2 Cinis, Oct 11, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2016
  3. electronicmusic

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    Thats my problem too, I have feelings that I may be gay or bisexual, but have no intention on acting on them, even after having these feeligs for over a year. My counsellor believes that this is a good indication that I am not gay, but I'm not so sure.
     
  4. Rastafarian

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    Yeah, that's what I think may be the case... it just doesn't quite add up... like, I don't recall keeping at bay erections or urges to kiss this or that guy. I just got along just fine, without feeling a thing.

    Yeah... if it turns out I'm not bisexual, then I'd certainly be suffering from HOCD, or something akin.


    Hmmm... to be honest, I don't know about the reason behind my sudden fear. Mostly because I've been having lots of gay dreams. Say, the other day I dreamt that a couple of blokes were kissing each other naked, but they stopped doing it, looked at me and told me "you're not gay, no matter how much you try, you can't be one of us." Some days before I had this dream in which I fucked a guy, and after 'realising' he was a guy, my erection faded away... the sheer volume of dreams is what drives my therapist to think so, and he in turn conveys this impression to me.

    I, for one, don't know what to make of this, that's why I'm posting here. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    And about gay men hitting on me, I don't know; it's like I don't know how to react. I'm usually kind to people, and have a hard time turning down anything from anyone. Mostly I seek to convey impressions or indirect messages, and this puts me in a situation where I'm forced to mark a distance, which I'm not keen on doing.

    Thanks for the response man, btw. Much appreciated that you took some time off your day to reply. That speaks volumes of each and every member here who's devoted time of his/her life to help others. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lora

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    Relax. Maybe you're bi-curious. I was like that before until I had my first real sexual encounter with same-sex. That's the time I realized that I could swing both ways. Enjoy the fantasy as it comes. Don't overthink or stress yourself too much. What's important is to come into terms to your sexuality. Accept it wholeheartedly. It's fun!
     
  6. Rastafarian

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    Maybe... but something which I omitted in my first post is that even though I've tried masturbating to same-sex fantasies, I haven't been able to keep my d*ck up. I've even tried starting with hetero thoughts, then switching to gay thoughts to no avail. I just can't come to gay thoughts/porn. :-/