so I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time, since i was about 13 and i'm now 18. boys i've had many boyfriends over those 5 years, although until i was about 16 i never felt like it was wrong or that i was not attracted to them. over the years most of the boyfriends never got very serious for me and the only one which did it was a complicated relationship. I had been seeing him on and off since i was about 13, but when i was 16 i suddenly couldn't be intimate with him the same way. like all of a sudden kissing him just felt wrong and i always found an excuse never to go further than that. i finally called it off about a year ago, when i was 17. i told myself that i was not attracted to the boy, rather than boys in general, but it left me confused. now whenever i try and flirt and get involved with another guy, i back out as soon as it seems like we could be a thing. i have this irrational fear of getting close to a man because i know it will lead to me realising that i actually girls now in terms of my relationship with girls, i've never had one and still have no idea what my true feelings are towards women. i'd love to be able to have a revelation and decide im a lesbian but it's never going to be that easy. at about 13 i got my first crush on one of my friends, although at the time i had no idea what that was. i always wanted to look my best in front of her and worried all the time what she thought of me. but there was nothing sexual about this crush, until one night i had a dream where we kissed and i woke up feeling very different. apart from this crush i can't recall any other crushes in real life on girls, which is what makes it so confusing. nevertheless i have had numerous girl crushes on celebrities and characters in tv shows which makes me wonder what my real feelings are. i'm genuinely just utterly confused and wish things could be a little clearer. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm fairly new to the community but I relate to a lot of what you said. You may be bisexual with a preference for men or you might actually be asexual and bi-romantic. The things to remember are that your sexual and romantic orientation don't have to be the same and that you don't have to choose a label unless it's what your comfortable with. You can also choose a broader term as a way to give yourself room to see how you feel. I hope I was able to help.
