I'm trying to come to terms with my sexuality but I feel very confused. I've always thought I was straight but now I'm not so sure. On the one hand, I enjoy gay fantasies and porn. I find it to be more of a turn on than straight porn. But at times I also find it a massive turn off and can't get into it at all. On the other hand, I have never felt emotional attraction to other guys. I never have, and can't imagine myself falling in love with or wanting to be in a relationship with another guy. Emotional intimacy with another guy just doesn't really excite me as it does with girls. I feel that sometimes I have strong physical homosexual desires - but there seems to be nothing more than that. Has anyone else felt this and realized that they were repressing their true emotional desires? Or do any bi guys feel the same? At the risk of labeling myself - sometimes I feel I fall under the label of being a hetero-romantic bisexual... But I simply can't tell if this is just me transitioning from thinking I am straight to realizing I am gay..
Hey DavisHars, Only you can determine your own sexuality. And labels are really only useful on those occasions when we feel it necessary to explain our sexuality to someone else. But it is definitely important that you come to and understanding and an acceptance of your own sexuality. See if this YouTube video helps you at all: How to Tell if You're Bisexual - Is Bisexuality a Choice? Take Care.
I guess the short answer is yes. I thought I was bi but could only imagine myself really with women. With guys it was just physical and since the physical was fine with women I figured it would be just as easy to date women. I had several girlfriends and what I thought was an alright sex life. It wasn't like it was in the movies but, what is, right? Then a guy that I had fallen for in ways I wasn't able to acknowledge leaned in for a drunken kiss. And it was like the floodgates opened. My legs literally gave out and by the time we managed to disentangle ourselves from where we fell tangled in the lobby of my building I was gay. Within a couple months all the feelings for women faded--haven't thought of a woman that way in decades. My husband and I have been together for eighteen years.
That's what it was like for me, once. I don't know if this will happen for you, but for me, the fluctuations just seemed to stop after a while. I guess the best advice I can give is for you to wait a few years, and try not to worry about it.
I agree this may take time to figure out, so go easy on yourself and keep an open mind. We're so quick to want labels, but reality sometimes just doesn't fit the labels. I think your romantic and sexual orientations may be pointing in different directions at this time, and I can see why this would be challenging. I would give it time - and in your shoes I would also also feel free to experiment within my boundaries. Do you have a religious faith that tells you how to be? Are you conflicted about the morality of being gay? Patrick
Yes, I am in the exact same boat as you DavisHars, sort of. Just about everything you've wrote applies to my situation. Until recently I could not see myself emotionally attached to another guy, it was always purely physical with men but with women I have both physical and emotional attractions. It's a confusing feeling that I don't quite understand as of yet. Even gay porn turns me on more than straight porn when I can get into it but sometimes I don't even get an erection watching it and some days it's a complete turn off. I think just some days I'm more attracted to men and others I'm more attracted to women I think you're also going through the same thought process I used to by trying to put a label on yourself. You are who you are and defining yourself is one of the weirdest things to do and having a label is only good for trying to describe it to someone else as a sort of short hand. You know yourself better than anyone else and it's OK if there's things about you that even you just don't understand, sometimes there's no point dwelling on it either. But whatever your going through just know you're not alone and you're not the first.
When I was younger I felt somewhat like this. I kind of labeled myself as bisexual and imagined myself with a normal life an eventually marrying a woman. This turned out to not be the case, as I'm not pretty sure I'm just gay. Don't answer if you don't want to, but how old are you? I feel like this could have something to do with teenage hormones and just not being sure yet, but then again I can't say for sure.
This is in a way what I've struggled with my whole life, and still find myself struggling with. I know I've been attracted to guys since I was at least a teenager, and regularly had sexual fantasies about guys I went to school with, etc. But I never thought about being romantic with guys really. I did, however, often think of dating girls. Then when I was 20, I let myself identify as gay since to me it made sense, as I was exclusively interested in sleeping with guys and well I reasoned that dating guys would mean regular sex as oppose to random hookups. I dated two different guys for short periods (like under a month each) and neither felt "right." Then I ended up dating a girl I was close friends with, and we dated for 7 years. We had an open relationship of sorts, as she knew I was into guys and basically only into her on the girl's front. We had a great sex life, and I was also sleeping with guys with her permission. When we broke up, I still didn't think about dating guys. Looked for girls to date instead. Met a girl, ended up engaged to her, and having a wedding without getting legally married. We're currently separated, but the relationship is in a weird place. I did meet a guy last year, while engaged, who made me question everything. The first guy who I ever really had feelings for, the same feelings I had for the two girls I'd dated. It was wrong for many reasons, from the fact that I wasn't single to the reality that he was 18 while I was 32, but I couldn't help but have my entire reality rocked by this situation. It didn't work out for us of course, I mean we're still friends and were friends with benefits until about a month ago (him and his boyfriend have decided to become monogamous) though I still question my friendship with him among other things. But having the feelings I had for him has made me wonder if I'm not just entirely gay. But then I still have feelings for my ex. Strong feelings. And we have been hooking up and having some of the most incredible sex possible. So, I just don't know. Maybe I am bi. Maybe the label doesn't matter and I should just date and be with whoever I want as long as they'll have me and I can be honest with them. Maybe I more need to decide if I'm okay with monogamy more than anything else?
