Is it weird to be a lesbian who has never had sex with a man?

I definitely would date a lesbian with no prior experience with a man. Think of it like this; Is a heterosexual male weird if he's never had sex with a man?

 

Uhhhh no???? I haven't had sex with a man either (or a woman).

If anything, It's a positive thing. Not because lesbians who slept with men are lesser in any way, but because you didn't have to go through the questioning, misery, and dissatisfaction that they did. Many lesbians even regret sleeping with men, and some consider suicide, especially when you get into the gold star hierarchy.

Personally, I'm more attracted to virgins either way (I define a virgin as someone who has never done anything below the waist with another person, so this includes both hetero and lesbian sex). But that's more because I have total inexperience and want to share my first time with someone else in the same boat. Maybe these other lesbians want to date people who shared their experience too. it's all varied.

 

You're very welcome!

 

i was thinking the same thing! i never had sex with a guy and i thought i was weird because most lesbians i had read about had sex with a guy at least once..
and most of my friends tell me "you can't know you're gay if you never had sex with a guy" but i know that it will be an awful experience if i try it so..
i'm happy i'm a gold star lesbian
but it bugs me because people think it's okay for a gay man to have never slept with a woman.. but it's not that okay for a lesbian to have not slept with a man..
don't worry though you're perfect(*hug*)

 

Don't listen to people who say you can't know you're gay if you're never had sex with a man. If you DID have sex with a man today, the same people would tell you that you can't be gay because you slept with a man and must enjoy it.

Women are damned if we do and damned if we don't lol

 

Some straight people just don't get it. How do they know they're straight unless they've had sex with a same-sex person? Shouldn't they try some gay sex to be sure??? Seems rather homophobic to me.

 

Well, me, I am going with the no label and I am a virgin and never had sex with either gender.. So even if I do turn out to be gay and never had sex with a man then what's the big deal? So what if I am going to be a gold star lesbian or something like that? I don't care

And when I do get into a relationship with a woman, I wouldn't mind if she never had sex with a man or a female! We can both lose our virginity to each other!

It is true that some lesbians didn't know that they were gay until after they did the deed with a man and some lesbians never did the deed with a man and knew that they were gay..

Just don't listen to them and do what you want

 

Anthemic is spot on! You don't need to have the actual sex experience to prove who you are. Some people are better in knowing themselves. Some people are doubtful and would need further actions to know themselves. In my experience, I wasn't trying to prove anything, it just happened by being curious and a chance to experiment. So when I did it, I knew that I could swing both ways.

 

Not odd at all. I'd say you just had things figured out a little younger than most. A lot of people rush into relationships at a young age without putting much thought into their orientation, sometimes just for respect or attention and many end up backfiring.

If anything, it seems like you'd have a nicely balanced mind. Some people like to experiment first and I get that, but why paint your room ten times when you already know your favorite color?

To answer the last question, if we worked out fine, why the hell not? I wouldn't pass up someone I genuinely liked over something that trivial. :icon_wink

 

I am a bit shocked because its the first time i am hearing about such type of 'discrimination'.
If someone wants to date you, do they like you because you slept with someone else or so they like you for you.
This situation seems messed up because I can imagine having to force yourself into doing something that you can regret for the rest of your life just to fit in into a minority group that has been 'casted out' by the 'normative population'

For your own sake do not give into their demands because the girl that loves and cherishes you doesn't care if you've slept with a man or not

Anyway around my neighborhood, most lesbians discriminate against ladies that have slept with 'men' so i guess each 'hood'has its standards.

But you are unique and dont be afraid to stand out from people by giving in to their irrational standards. At the end of the day ask yourself what does your heart desire.

---------- Post added 20th Oct 2016 at 03:40 PM ----------

and to answer your last question...i do desire women of all kind and more so one who has slept with other women alone

 

I'm actually a little shocked to hear this, too. Lesbians who've never been with a man = Gold Stars. Some lesbians don't even like to be with women who AREN'T gold star lesbians. I guess everyone's gotta discriminate against something somewhere.

I think if lesbians find it odd you've never been with a man, or a turn off, it's because they've been with men and feel like you need to go through a questioning stage/will be insecure that you'll always be curious and wind up leaving them for a guy. Sort of laughable BS. Please don't worry about this. There's nothing wrong with having not slept with a man and vice versa.

Some lesbians don't agree with lesbians who like penetrative sex. Too straight still. Lol. I'm just continuing thoughts, but it's ridiculous what some people will make an issue.

And to answer your question, a partner's experience - or lack thereof - in bed is a seriously superficial way to judge someone. It wouldn't bother me to sleep with someone who's slept with men, women, both, none. If I like someone, I like them and we'll figure things out together. Stay away from anyone who judges you for who you have and havenot slept with. Ick.

 

I quoted you because I've also seen some lesbians use this faulty logic. It's total bullshit, and I agree with everything you just said.

Not everyone goes through a questioning stage. I instantly knew I was gay at 14 without ever being "curious" about either gender, and to this day I have never slept with either gender. I understand where some lesbians come from, some people who identify as gay or bi end up using lesbians for experiments/threesomes without ever being serious about women. But they can't expect that everyone who hasn't slept with a certain gender is that way. Maybe they just knew when they were young so they don't have desires to sleep with men, maybe they are more conservative about sex and that's why they haven't been with anyone. Gay people are individuals, not the monoliths some people treat us like.

(I'm not saying you said any of that btw, I was just agreeing with your points).

I also agree with Kira's metaphor on paint. Some people need to paint a room various colors until they find something that sticks for them. But other times, you instantly KNOW your favorite color, and painting the room a million times with a bunch of other colors to 'prove' a point is just a waste of time and paint.

 

Perfect answer.

 

Nah. Granted, there will probably be more "suitors", but plenty of lesbians, either due to early awareness, lack of interest, or whatever reason, haven't. They're called "gold stars" (at one time, there were strands of feminism that encouraged women to separate from men, and that lesbianism was a "choice").

Although it does seem like more queer women have children... they're definitely pressured more by men, who think they can convert them, than gay men are by women.

 

I like this answer. But are gay men pressured more by society?

 

Men are pressured to come out as fully gay, or not at all.

And once you do, there's no going back.