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I'm Non-binary and unsure what that means for my sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by EverDeer, Oct 19, 2016.

  1. EverDeer

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    Alrighty so, I'll try and keep this short...

    I was assigned female at birth and all my life I've only ever had crushes on men, though obviously when you're a kid I'm not sure if this means much because they're mostly just friend/romantic crushes. I didn't really experience any desire for sexual contact til I was about 15-16, and entering my early teenage years I almost considered if I was asexual or not, though I dismissed that pretty quickly after my first kiss (with a guy) around 15. Also, I was trying to think back on if I ever experienced anything relating to romantic interest / admiration in another woman when I was younger...the only experience I think maybe could have been attraction was one time this really pretty, short-haired older sister of a friend of mine whom I admired sang me a song whilst playing her guitar at a party when I was like 12 and I just felt so fluttery inside because of the personal attention; I'm not sure if it was just admiration or not though.

    Now anyway, when I was in highschool, 2-3 of my friends in my immediate friend group were/are gay/bisexual/pansexual, so that type of behavior never struck me as that odd. There were quite a few instances in my later teens actually where I was sexual with/kissed some of my gay friends who flirted with me for fun, and I even asked if I could kiss them first and stuff too. At first, I just thought it was sort of playful and competitive and wasn't sure if I felt anything or not, but after that I kept wanting to do it more and began trying to look for more opportunities to do so, even though I didn't know what I felt... what's also interesting is I never really had interest in other women until they flirted with me first (because otherwise I just assumed they weren't interested I guess?? And I'd never really experienced another girl being interested in me before and I dunno maybe I liked it??)

    Fast forward to after I graduated highschool. I'm dating a guy now but, I think I've had a bit of a crush on one of my friends for a while now....she used to flirt with me before I was in a relationship and she's really pretty and I fantasize about her a lot- If I am attracted to her, she's the first girl I've ever been attracted to, so I'm not sure how I feel- also, when I say this, I mean sexually attracted to, because I feel a yearning like sexual attraction...but I'm just concerned if I ever did get the chance to kiss her or something I wouldn't feel anything and then not know how I felt / not be attracted to her? I know that even if I was capable of being attracted to women, I still prefer men, I can just tell. I'm just not sure if this is real or not? Also, I remember feeling like I felt something in highschool when I experimented more and sometimes people would ask me if ID as bicurious but, no matter what I felt, I always said no because I wasn't romantically interested in girls at the time, but the more I think about it now, the more I think I'd be interested in and accepting to dating a girl.

    Now, the other funny thing is, even though I've never necessarily met / had a crush on a non-binary person before, I know that I would totally date one. It just makes sense to me, because I feel that I am agender/nonbinary... I'm just not sure if I don't prefer/like women though, I'm not sure what the huge difference is other than I just don't prefer femininity, I prefer androgyny and masculinity...

    Also, I think the reason I'm writing this is because I'm kind of scared to come out as agender/non-binary If I pretty much only like dating/am attracted to men? Because I just feel like people will think I'm a cis woman if I'm not "gay enough" or something....I'm also just really not sure if I am or not...
     
  2. SystemGlitch

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    I'm not sure what advice to give regarding your interest in women, so sorry about that. I can say though that there are many trans people who would have been considered heterosexual according to their assigned gender, and they are no less trans than any other trans person. Sexuality and gender identity are not dependent on each other, and who you identify as in no way influences who you are attracted to. To be honest, regardless of your sexuality ignorant people would find a way to use it to disprove your identity. "But you still like men, how can you be a trans man?", or "so... you're really just gay and want to be straight?", etc. It seems extra nonsensical to me for people to think that way about NB trans people, though, since how can someone who isn't simply/exclusively female or male be "trying to be straight" - if that were the case, wouldn't they just ID as the opposite binary gender in order to "be straight"? Cause being NB definitely doesn't make them straight, and comes with an extra bucketload of bullshit to deal with from a society trying to tell them they don't exist. And how can someone use the argument "but you like men, how can you be androgynous/fluid/etc.?"...? Gah, ignorant people frustrate me with how foolish they can be. :dry: Rest assured though that no self-respecting trans person or ally will turn away someone just because they would be considered straight if they weren't trans. There is no "trans enough" or "gay enough" because everyone's experiences and emotions and reactions are different, and so every experience of gender identity or sexuality (including being cisgender and/or straight) is unique. It's impossible to compare one person's experience to another and idiotic to fight over whose experiences are more valid than others.

    Regardless, hope this helped to ease your concerns a little, and stay strong. (*hug*)
     
    #2 SystemGlitch, Oct 19, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2016
  3. Foxfeather

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    Well, screw what other people think. You are what you decide to call yourself, nevermind the labels.

    I'm confused, too. I would call myself a lesbian because I"m used to it, but I lie about being straight and cisgender. I might be genderfluid or a demiboy but being a woman makes me very uncomfortable and I am okay with doing fmeinine things as long as they're not being called feminine (because I associate society's interpretation of femininity as seeing women as weak or inferior or emotional and that's ismply not the case).

    It gets tough for me, too. For now, I call myself a lesbian. But really, I'd love to be a straight boy.
     
  4. I'm gay

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    Just a crazy thought -

    You strike me as a person who seems to actually be a happy person who loves who she loves and wants to throw away the rule book on gender, sexuality and romanticism. How about this one (just for fun!):

    Non-binary bi-flexible homoromantic fabulous queer human

    Seriously, just don't worry about what you should call yourself. You seem to have no difficulty in being attracted to plenty of people of different genders and types. That's wonderful, and as long as you accept it with pride as you just being the wonderful and fabulous you, who cares what anyone else thinks about it or wants to label it. Just tell them you're a non-binary bi-flexible homoromantic fabulous queer human.

    Cheers!