****Warning Masturbation Details Ahead**** OK, so I identify as straight because it's kind of like a default at this point, but I am very confused. My interests are weird, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I watch and masturbate MOSTLY to gay porn. But the only gay porn I am attracted to is interracial. I have no interest in any other form of gay porn or guys in general... Only a black guy fucking a white guy. That's it. The main thing I get hard and masturbate too. But here is the weirder part. I can't climax without thinking about girls. I just can't... finish, without thinking about a girl. No matter how hard I try. Sometimes I masturbate to straight porn, but thats only around 15% of the time. It doesn't stimulate me as much. So, in REAL LIFE. I've had a lot of girlfriends and I've only found myself romantically attracted to girls. But, I'm always incredibly shy and am a 18 year old virgin. I'm good enough looking, but I literally will never make a move. And it's not necessarily because I don't want to, I just cant help but find the idea of approaching someone really creepy even though I know its not. So nothing has ever happened. So, any idea about what's wrong with me?
Nothing's wrong with you. Shyness comes from a place of not feeling worthy and fear of being judged. That's something that, honestly, is best overcome by forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations. You could start with something as simple as saying hi and starting a short conversation with a cashier as you're buying something. As that gets more comfortable, you can slowly move into starting conversations (simplest way to do that is to compliment someone on clothes, shoes, tattoos, hair, etc...). Might be simplest to start with people you aren't attracted to at all, perhaps older people. As for your masturbation habits... I wouldn't stress about that at this point. You're likely still finding yourself and if you are attracted to guys, then there's a part of you that's uncomfortable accepting that, which could explain the disparity. What I suggest in such cases is taking maybe a couple of weeks and only masturbating without porn, and letting the fantasies in your mind guide you. It might take a while if you're conditioned to watch porn, but if you stay with it, you'll be able to reach orgasm without porn. And then you can experiment with different fantasies in your mind and see what creates the strongest levels of arousal. Everything you're describing is pretty common so I think if you can just accept yourself for where you are now, avoid judgment, and simply let things unfold, I think the picture will become clearer... and you'll also get better with the shyness.
Yeah there's nothing wrong with you. Whatever is going on, how much you are attracted to boys or girls, its all developmental. We go through stages - progress. You are still sorting yourself out, phsycially as well as mentally. In time you will become more comfortable with some things, and then you will know yourself better Sexuality takes time. Its OK - there's nothing wrong with you. You're just in adolescence Take it easy!!!
