Okay so I came out as bisexual to basically everyone in the last 8 or 9 months and have known for over a year but I am starting to question myself again. So when questioning my sexuality I was focused on if I like girls since I had always been told the norm for me was to like guys I never had any questions about it. I currently have a boyfriend but I'm. It really into him and I had this with my last boyfriend where I am really into him for the first month or two and then it just kind of fades and then I don't know what to say and I end up in a relationship I don't want. I've also been thinking that maybe I do actually like guys but since I'm not out as trans I'm not really into them now because I don't like being perceived as the girl in a heterosexual relationship because I like the idea of bein in a homosexual relationship with a guy and I know that if I was to be in a relationship with a girl I would be viewed as the "man" of the relationship (I hate that term but I didn't know another way to say it) I'm just confused on wether it's normal for my interests to shift due to how people are viewing me at the moment because I do feel an interest in guys but I don't want a relationship with one. I've never been in a relationship with a girl before but there is a girl I really like and I feel really comfortable with her because I can wrap my arms around her and when we dance together I am the guy and I just feel so much better with her than with any guy I have ever liked even with my boyfriend in the beginning when I did really like him. I was just looking for some advice because maybe for the time being I like girls significantly more than guys and I know this shifts I've just been struggling with this a lot.
Hey Night Owl! It could be that you like the idea of being with a girl because (like you said) it make you feel like a man. It's possible that being aware that people perceive you as a girl undermines your masculinity and how confident you feel as a man. Perhaps woman help to reinforce your confidence in that respect. It is also possible that the reason your relationships with guys runs out of steam is because they are with you and loving you in a heterosexual way and that's not what you want. If you were in a homosexual relationship with a guy it may feel more real and last longer. But it important to remember that sexuality is fluid and it can change, your sexual preferences will solidify with time. So if you want to be with girls more for the time being because they give you confidence and make you feel good about yourself then it's fine to do that. It doesn't change who you are. If later on when your feeling more confident in you self and your masculinity and you decide you want to be with men instead then that's fine too X
I used to feel similarly to you - I felt attraction to boys in primary and secondary school, but I felt weirded out and disgusted by the idea of being in a relationship with a boy. It felt very unequal and wrong to me especially when I did try dating a guy I found attractive. I "pretended" to be a girl's boyfriend once in primary and it made me really happy, though I really cannot pin down what I was thinking/experiencing at the time because it was so long ago - I actually only remembered that a little while ago because I found an old journal of mine (part of primary school work, we had to keep a journal throughout all of our time at that school), all it says is "a girl wanted a boyfriend. I said I would be her boyfriend if she wanted. She laughed but said yes. It makes me happy" and then I kept mentioning hanging out with my girlfriend until it just kinda stops for some reason. It's possible I was happy because I was in a male position, I'm not fully sure. But moving on, once I acknowledged I was a guy in secondary school, all of that awkwardness towards guys just kind of disappeared. I got in a relationship with a guy who knew I was male and saw me as such, and it was comfortable and really enjoyable for me. Looking back on it, I'm fairly certain being seen as a girl in a heterosexual relationship is what was making me feel so uncomfortable, rather than being in a relationship with someone male. The one thing that makes me hesistant to say this for sure though is that it coincides pretty heavily with puberty, since I began "officially" questioning at 14 and became pretty certain of my identity at late 15/early 16. It is possible that your desire to be in a gay relationship with men rather than a "straight" one is what's causing you to feel this way. It's hard to know for sure. The best thing I can suggest is to stick with women for now, since you're comfortable around them and so far have had fulfilling relationships, and see how you feel about men once you come out/later in your transition. Either way, try not to stress too heavily about your attractions - just let them come to you as and when they will, from whoever they happen to. Good luck with everything, I hope this helps!
