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Sexual or Aesthetic Attraction?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CoconutOilLady, Oct 30, 2016.

  1. CoconutOilLady

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    I'm certain that I'm romantically attracted to women, and not to men (so far, anyway - you never know.)

    However I can never look at anyone female and be attracted to them based only on appearance. I can recognize that they're pretty, but that's it. I have to get to know them first before there is any attraction.

    With guys, I can look at them and think they're good-looking too - however I tend to enjoy looking at them more than girls. But I've never actually wanted to kiss a guy(which I've done before and it was uncomfortable) and I've never thought a guy was adorable and wanted to get closer to him etc. but I have with women.

    This makes me wonder sometimes if I'm bi, especially because whenever people usually state their preferences, they'll say something like "(preferred gender(s)) are hot/good-looking" and this confuses me because I can see when someone is 'good-looking', but I won't care at all - whereas what seems to be the norm is that people will be sexually attracted to certain people, by looking at them, and then get to them and become romantically attracted to them.
    My sister is like this - she fawns over good-looking men all the time and is very into casual sex, and has said she considers herself bisexual because she thinks women are hot. She has never actually said that she has had crushes on women or implied that she has, and this makes me wonder even more if me finding guys good-looking makes me attracted to them?

    What does this mean? Why would I willingly look at "good-looking" guys but not care less about "good-looking" women? Yet only want to kiss women and not guys?
     
  2. Creativemind

    Regular Member

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    What genders do you want to have sex with? It can be any kind of sex. You don't have to find strangers attractive and automatically want to have sex with them either, it could be only with friends, SO's, or just whatever gender you sexually fantasize in your head. Men or women?

    Finding men good looking doesn't make you bisexual, or else everyone would be bisexual. I think my sister is really good looking. She is stunning in a dress and makeup. But I'd never want to fuck her. That doesn't make me incestous, just a normal human being.
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    The process of coming to terms with one's sexuality takes time. My suspicion is that unconsciously you're still processing and accepting that you're mostly (or entirely) same-sex attracted.

    I don't hear anything that sounds like actual attraction to men, only that you find them attractive. I think any human can find any other human attractive, without feeling sexual connection to them.

    The tough part here is simply giving it time. Often we can't get clear answers early on as we're still tryihng to figure ourselves out... and that process isn't entirely conscious, because we also have to wade through all of the unconscious baggage -- religious stigma, media portrayals, etc -- that impacts our beliefs about who we are.