Cross Dreaming - Help!

Being totally in the closet, what you describe is understandable. Were you out and more open about your sexuality, I'd say maybe not but, in your situation, yeah. I think it's your internal release for desires you don't allow yourself to indulge and, that's fine, it helps keep you sane.

Everyone has fantasies, some of them are a lot more out there than yours. Some of us like me change gender in out fantasies, depending on who or what our fantasy partner is at the moment. Nothing wrong with that, it's just internal self expression.

Now, for myself, being out, I'd find it a problem if I had to tune out reality and go into my head but, that's because I'm out and allow myself to explore whatever I desire. If I weren't out, I'd probably engage in fantasies to satisfy desires I wanted to explore while tuning out reality.

 

The difference between being an autoandrophiliac and being transgender would be how you internally identify. Same with a crossdresser and a transgender person. A crossdresser doesn't necessarily identify as the opposite gender. So, a man who wears a woman's dress but identifies their internal sense of gender as male wouldn't be transgender.

Having said that, some "cross dreamers" do eventually come out as trans. The only reason I can think of for that is that societal pressure against stepping outside of gender norms can lead people into hiding how they feel which leads to bottling up thoughts and feelings, which could lead to finding ways of venting those feelings through sexual acts like masturbation and fantasies.

This is all just my take on it. I'm not an expert on any of this, though my own personal experiences are informing some of my thoughts.

So does any of this sound like anything you are experiencing? How do you internally identify? What if it is just a fetish?

 

Okay, I wanted to post on this thread, well, bc. I am the same. I sometimes too get weirded out by my brain having that thought, but I know I am not trans.

I looked it up before, that term, but there seems to be a lot of controversy using the term. In the end I didn't know if it was a harmful term or not. So at first I was a little hesitant to post.

In the end I needed to post bc of your last comment, because same here. However, I like to dress up ''masculine'' (whatever that means) sometimes. I can go from suit with masculine mannerisms to dressed up woman with very dramatic femininity.

 

Sounds good. There is no pressure to figure this out today. Give yourself some space to breathe and you'll find your answers.

Let me ask you this. You have sexual fantasies about being male, but don't really think about being male at any other time. Do your fantasies of being male always center around you with a woman? Do they sometimes include you with another man? If not, then why do you think that is?

 

I just don't beat myself up when it happens. Most of the damage around sexuality related things is beating yourself up that you feel this or that way. Turn-ons and fantasies can go really bizzare sometimes, but it's resistance that produces anxiety. It doesn't mean you neccesarily have to act on it, but labelling something as wrong, judging, that makes things worse.

 

Disclaimer: I hope I don't offend anyone with my posts. If some statements are problematic, please do tell me.

Okay well, I don't have that much experience with sexual acts. I mean I am going to be blunt here but I am a virgin. (oh shit busted)
For now however I wait for the time when I actually get the chance to have sex with a woman as a woman. I don't necessarilly have to feel like a man in order to get into it.

But I will say this, the fantasy of being a man who has sex with a women will get me A) wetter faster and B) super horny.

As I have said, I will just wait, because maybe just having sex with a woman feeling as a woman will satisfy me enough. And then I'll have to hope that the fantasy/urge will go away.

But I have thought about it: ''How would I act this out?''
I think the closest solution would be a strap on, but I'm a bit worried that it ain't gonna fullfill the fantasy and leave me unsatisfied. (I think you know the reasons).

I just hope that the urge to be a man who has sex with a woman will fade away someday, and not become more prominent after I've had sex for the first time.

I am sorry can't really help you with this one unfortunately., If you find the solution tell me haha.

 

So you are uncomfortable being bi because of your fantasies? Why is that? If you're alone with your own thoughts what could be making you uncomfortable?

Do you feel ashamed after the fantasy is over? You are saying you enjoy them though, right? Why do you think you are a man in fantasies with women? Is your behavior different in these fantasies? Are you more dominant when thinking about being male? Are you more submissive in fantasies where you are yourself and female?

 

Do you think then that you are acting out repressed feelings in these cross dreaming sessions? That you can't be dominant unless you are male?

I know that men are stereotypically aggressive and dominant and women are stereotypically passive and submissive. Men are givers, women receivers. I wonder how much of this is a learned behavior and how much is nature? How much is affected by hormone levels?

Maybe give fantasizing as female and dominant a go and see how it feels?

To be fair, I have a hard time feeling submissive without feeling female, so I get what you are saying. I'm trying to figure this out too.

 

I find the whole digit ratio finger length thing very confusing. I mean my index finger is way longer than my ring finger, still I want to be/am dominant. (I am also v competitive and a more aggressive than my female friends and even male friends)

So I uhm.

I don't know a lot about the whole digit ratio theory, but imo I see a lot of correlation, but no causation (yet). For example the theory said that those with a high digit ratio have a reduced performance in sports. And that was true for me. When I was 13, I got D's. However, by the time I was 17 I got straight A's in PE class.

I don't know what to think of it.

 

My index finger is longer than my ring finger. F*** that.

Yeah... I think it depends on the fantasy you're having specifically, but I relate to it.

TMI:

I had a dog. He grew up not meeting other dogs and was a "sofa dog". Still, in his "teenage years", he successfully and "properly" f***ed pillows. He didn't ever see other dogs, or people, make out. I also saw a horse recently and my mom and I thought it was a male, because he was definitely into another horse's a** and attpempted to mount (got kicked in the head). But I noticed that horse was a female. Conclusion: it's an instinct, you know.

I feel the very same way as those animals. I drew backs of people in my notebooks, and my literature teacher made me conscious what I'm actually doing, when she said that this scene in the drama we were talking about is a typical male fantasy (a female turning back and leaning). To make things even wierder, I find my own boobs and ass attractive. I can feel like a perv and a freak of nature. Sure thing. But there is nothing I can do about that preference. It's hard-wired. Beating myself up and calling myself a perv is only going to do damage.

I dunno. Does it go that explicit for me that I fantasise about having a penis... hm... I rather "think that" my clit "is" a penis. I'm sure that's how it looks from the outside. But the inside is quite simple. There is a "whisper" in my head, and it's telling me the exact "program" how to penetrate, in "machine code". I don't imagine anything per say. But sometimes it's the easiest interpretation of what I'm doing to just imagine that I am a man.

But it's only a part of the whole code I got in the womb. I just generally behave like a dude in many aspects. Without learning it. For the 15 first years of my life I hated men, so you can imagine that if something was labelled as boyish, I hated it.

I don't know how it works for you. Is it that you "think that you are male" in a way, or if you are attracted to men and the target shifted wierdly. If the former, I assure you, there are plenty of ways a woman can be a top or dominating, and can do the thing, and be a woman. There are strap-ons, and you can do that with a woman or a man, and you can find a way to stimulate your body without a strap-on, and with a partner, so that it feels satisfying. You can take charge in bed too, and guys like it There is nothing wrong with that. If the latter then idk... nothing wrong with it either. I think the same applies.

 

Lol, I just stumbled upon it.