Hey everyone, Whilst I'm not new to making forum posts, I am new to this site so bare with me. I have a question buzzing around in my mind that for some reason just doesn't sit well with me. So I'm totally sure I like women, have been for a while, and I've made my peace with that. What confuses me is this - being a total fan girl, like, to embarrassing proportions, I like a lot of celebrities male and female. But something that I've noticed is I do tend to see some male celebrities as attractive in a way that I don't normally associate with men. In my personal life I'm not attracted to men in any way, but I seem to obsess over the men in the shows that I watch. Is this normal for someone exclusively attracted to women? I feel like if I talked about this to my straight friends they would judge me as - forgive me for using this phrase - 'not a real lesbian'. Because of this I've developed a habit of avoiding talking about men all together because my sexuality then is immediately questioned by others. Does anyone else experience this? For some reason it does also tend to be strictly older men e.g. aged around 35+ (that is significantly older considering I'm only 18) I know I should try not to worry too much about labels but I'm one of those people that really feels like they need to be able to refer to themselves as the sexuality they identify with. Thank you, anyone who can relate or just a friendly word would be much appreciated :rolle:
Hi SynthDetective, I'm not sure that I can help but hopefully it will. Might it be that you feel that way because they are celebrities or because they are older? I suppose I'm asking why do you think you are attracted to those kind of men specifically. As for being attracted to men - you may have seen on other threads people talking of sexuality as fluid or a spectrum. Some people identify as a homosexual but have a slight attraction to the opposite sex as well. It doesn't change who you are or how you identify but it might be an aspect of yourself that you've only just become aware of. Just some thoughts. Hope you are alright.
Alright, I'm guessing I might not be the best person to talk about it as I haven't been able to give myself an answer for this, but I relate to what you are saying. If it weren't for that, I probably wouldn't have any doubt of me being a lesbian. I have the plus that I also have sexual fantasies exclusivelly with men and do not relate to "lesbian culture", so it might not be a very big deal for you. You never felt any kind of attraction towards guys and neither did I. Sorry, I can only say that you are not the only one that experiences that.
By your logic, I, as an asexual person, should not obsess over celebrities, or any character that I see on TV, movies or fiction. Should not find Sebastian Stan's eyes absolutely mesmerizing, and should not dissolve into a giggly mess at Tom Hiddleston's smile. And yet I still do. So maybe you're looking at this wrong. Maybe, just maybe, you're experiencing something other than sexual attraction towards these men? I mean, there are loads of reasons why a person would obsess over another person. Maybe it's because they're celebrities, maybe they just look nice aesthetically, maybe there's something else about them that you admire? I'm just saying, you're lesbian. Not blind. You're entirely allowed to obsess over men who look attractive, just like I can obsess over Iron Man and Loki, and still not want to have sex with them. I do understand about the not wanting to talk about men, too. I'm also somewhat hesitant to comment on people's outward appearances for fear of people's opinions, or at least having to stress that I am in no way sexually attracted to them. It's annoying. Honestly, there's not much you can do about people's opinions. Those are really hard to change. It's much easier if you changed your outlook, become more confident in your identity so that you needn't have to rely on public opinion to feel like a "real lesbian". Theoretically, that is. I'm really not sure I'd do that myself. I'd probably keep my mouth shut. But you do you, and hopefully you settle this soon!
Hello SynthDetective ! For what it's worth I don't think it invalidates your sexual orientation in any way, especially if you're not attracted to "real life" guys. I mean a lot of straight girls are able to talk about their "girl crushes"/celebrity crushes on women without having their sexuality called into question, aren't they ? I'm not exactly well placed myself to help you but what you described sounds strikingly close to what I've heard/read some lesbians refer to as compulsory heterosexuality. If I understood correctly, it's basically when the idea that women have to be attracted to men is deeply ingrained in women (because of societal pressures, heteronormativity, etc) even when they're really not. As a result they have these sometimes conflicting feelings for men which may be less genuine attraction and more subconsciously trying to conform to said pressures. In some cases the attraction is to celebrities/fictional characters/unattainable people, because it means they don't have to act on it. So there's a chance you might be dealing with that ? Or like Brytaleith said, there's plenty of other possible reasons : it could be admiration, aesthetic appreciation, or something else. I don't know if it's helpful at all but I hope you figure it out !
Exercise. No less than 3 days a week, and no more than 5 days a week. Drink lots of water. No less than 35 minutes work out, no more than ~60 minutes. You do not need to kill yourself on exercise. Walking works. Yoga. Martial arts.
