First, let me explain that I'm not a person who gets worked up easily or worries much. I'm extremely laid back and prefer to worry about today and not tomorrow. That said...I'm curious why so many are so worried about a label? It seems almost to the point of ridiculous to me. I think labels tend to do more harm than good. I don't understand why people can't just go with their hearts and allow it to lead them where it leads them...without questioning al I this, am I that? Just be a person, who is special and beautiful and not meant to be like everyone else. I never even realized, until recently joining this site, that so many labels existed. I don't see where any of that would have ever helped me when I was discovering myself. I just realized what my heart wanted and eventually my brain caught up to it...of course my nether regions had known all along :roflmao: I read these posts where these kids are killing themselves trying to figure out which label they are...it kills me. You are beautiful, you are special, you are one of a kind. That's it. Quit killing yourself worrying about what to put beside your name. Has finally finding a word to describe yourself ever really taken the stress away from someone? And please please please don't think this post is to put anyone down. I'd never do that! My entire life since high school has been about helping others...often to my disadvantage. It's just something I've always wondered.
I'm not big on labels either, but I think to many here it is easier to stamp a label on themselves than to be this nebulous floating "I don't know who I am". The uncertainty that comes from questioning makes people look for an out, and a label is an out "I'm gay/bi/trans/whatever" "whew...glad that's over" "I know who I am now". I sometimes think us trans peoples attach too much weight to gender pronouns. If someone calls me sir, or ma'am or them or hey you, it doesn't matter to me. I'm Sky Winter. (Well, here anyways) Call me Sky. Is it a label? Yeah. But, it encompasses me in totality. My gender, whatever it is, is really only one fraction of what's going on inside my head. I think trans people should place less emphasis on their trans-ness and more on their whole self. Are you a terrible person? If so, I don't care what you want to be labeled. I don't care what gender pronoun brings you relief. Are you kind and compassionate and show empathy towards others? I'll call you whatever you want. So those who demand that they be called by certain pronouns, IMO, would be better served by just being a compassionate and reasonable human being first. When you do that, everything else falls into place. All the ugly people who hate you for being you will melt out of your life and you won't have to scream at them for not labeling you correctly.
^ well said Sky! Guess it's just something I've always wondered and never really seen a point to. I couldn't care less what I am...I know I will always feel at home with my arms wrapped around a man. Never cared what it was called or why it was called that. I don't even know if my post made sense...lol
Hey DeputyGay, I agree that since labels are artificial, it's silly to get wrapped up in them. However, it's also hard to explain our feelings about our gender and our sexuality to ourselves, let alone others, so I guess that's where labels can play a role. For self-awareness and understanding, labels can sometimes help. Since society at large doesn't seem to understand gender identity and sexuality and certainly nothing meaningful about sexuality is taught in schools, kids have to come to an understanding of their gender and sexuality haphazardly. Just having a label and knowing that they are not the only ones that feel like they feel or like who they like - just knowing that they are not a freak for not being cis or heterosexual - can obviously be a great comfort. And with societal and social pressures these days, many kids just HAVE to KNOW what their sexuality is so that they can find peer groups or start to figure out how to fit in. Not that labels can truly fix that situation, with their hormones still raging around their bodies. Ultimately, though, like you said, all that truly matters is for each of us to understand and accept our own sexuality. You may label yourself gay, but if the right woman came along and stole your heart and your body, would you stick to your label or would you go with your heart? We love who we love. It should be as simple as that. On those few occasions when it's necessary to explain our sexuality to those closest to us (because we live in a heteronormative society in which people tend to assume things about us), labels can help a little bit. I suppose it's pretty much for the same reasons that Coming Out is still a 'thing.' If we lived in an open society that truly understood and embraced human sexuality, none of that would be necessary. Just some thoughts. Take Care.
^ very well said. I guess I'm just one of those who didn't feel the need. Maybe I'm just basic haha it's just as easy to say I'm Gay as it is to say I like men. There isn't much "explaining" in my situation as opposed to others. I was engaged to my female high school sweetheart and then realized I was gay....pretty sure not gonna be swooped up by a female lol. I'm not quite sure how the labels help identify though. I've been out for over 10 years and I had absolutely no idea there were this many. I still don't know what the majority of them mean. I get confused reading most of these threads because I'm not sure what they mean...am I just that ignorant? If I'm the majority in that aspect, then isn't explaining the label the same thing? I have to say, I am truly impressed by the members of this site. I've only been a member for a few days but have learned quite a bit. Thanks for the responses!
LOL! But that is kind of the point we're both making. If you understand and accept yourself, you don't need labels. Labels still seem to be a requirement from time to time externally because of others' expectations, but, as you say, if you are completely comfortable with yourself, then it really doesn't matter what other people assume, you can just be who you are - let your actions speak for themselves. Of course, most people are not that secure and feel a need to respond to societal pressures. As far as the female sweeping you off your feet goes,,,LOL! But you get the point I was making, which was that you aren't going to let a label stop you from following your heart, are you? I've barely talked to you here on EC, but I'm pretty certain that you wouldn't give it a second thought. I THINK that labels can help us organize our thoughts and focus our understanding of our own often-undefinable feelings about our gender identity and sexuality. That is where I think they can help, to some degree, with our internal struggles. But, as you imply, there are now so many unofficial labels that they can actually make things even more confusing. And my main concern, as I noted above, is when people feel that they need to lock themselves into a label to feel comfortable. How many threads do you see where people think that they have themselves 'labeled' correctly, then something happens to them that falls outside the bounds of that label and they are questioning all over again? If you can use the labels to help understand yourself, I can see value. But finding who you are yourself, not applying artificial labels, is the important thing. The only label anyone really needs is: "Me". Take Care.
But finding who you are yourself, not applying artificial labels, is the important thing. The only label anyone really needs is: "Me". Take Care.[/QUOTE] I guess in both our ways, that's what I was getting at. Just be you and don't try to fit yourself into or kill yourself trying to figure out what predetermined label fits. I'm a firm believer we all bring something special to the table.
Id have to agree on both sides here on this topic. When I was younger and I first joined this site, I was obesessed with my label. It meant everything to me. Now a days, it's not important to me because at the end of the day, who I am as a person will be what everyone truly sees. The deeds I do should showcase my whole being not just my sexuality. So when you're younger and trying to find a label it's alright! That's called finding yourself! Even as an adult having that label brings you comfort then by all means have one. Just know it's okay to not have a label either. I do have to admit shamefully when I was posting back in 08/09 I never heard Pansexual or gender fluid as often and now it's very common...I felt like I missed a lot when I was in my closet. Oh well, I can tell you're comfortable being you and that is the end goal. A lot of people I saw over the years took a long time to get comfortable. Like me for example. ☺
