So I've come to accept, for the most part, that I'm a lesbian. I'm out to my family, some friends and anyone who asks. I have had a few crushes on women, lesbian erotica does stuff for me, and occasionally I'm attracted to a random woman on the street. So I'm gay - 99% sure. But I'm not sure that I'm going to like lesbian sex. I like the idea of woman touching me much more than of a guy doing that, but I don't know if I'll like touching a woman. I've only ever seen my own genitalia and I'm not sure if I'll like anyone else's, if that makes sense. I know I'm not asexual, but this part of my sexuality is stressing me out. I was raised catholic with the indirect message that sex has a very specific time and place, and my best friend and my counselor have told me that I seem to have an aversion to sex in general. I haven't even kissed anyone, and the idea of doing so seems awkward and weird to me. Is this normal? Can I be romantically a lesbian, not aexual, and also not be sexually attracted to anyone?
It sounds more like you're sex-repulsed rather than asexual. Sex-repulsion can happen in any sexuality, and It's possible you do feel sexual attraction, but the repulsion hinders it.
Sounds like your Catholic upbringing is, for lack of a better term, cock blocking you. Consciously or not, even if you know it isn't true, somewhere in your head something says "Sex is for procreation only. Only between a husband and a wife of opposite genders. Only in the dark, in a bedroom. Anything else is sinful, filthy, wrong, evil, bad and, will make you an sinful, evil, bad person that needs to be stoned." I know because, although it was Seventh Day Adventist, not Catholic, same thing was drilled into my head growing up. It isn't easy to undo that brainwashing but, for you own health and happiness, you have to work on it, and you have to succeed at changing it. Failing can quite literally mean your life. I've seen it happen too many times to too many young people and know a very few survivors. For us, it was close but, we did survive and break free. All I hope is that you can accept what I went through and work on changing those misconceptions before your mind goes someplace you don't want to be.
Hi PennyT! I feel similarly to you (kind of opposite, actually; I like the idea of touching a woman much, much more than a man, but have trouble imagining being touched by one, and also find the whole thing kind of scary), but I have not been putting it down to any kind of religious thing. I think (so far) in my case it is just a lack of experience and the fact that I tend to be on the shy/reserved side. Now it's true I don't know this for sure, since I still don't have any experience! And I think that is what has blocked me from coming out to my parents still--there is this tiny remnant of doubt inside of me. But I think it is hard for anybody to imagine oneself in a sexual situation in the abstract and try to gauge anything from that--sex is about a lot more than the physical, it is also about romantic/emotional closeness and wanting to express that with somebody. Once I have some experience (I've been dating, so maybe it will finally happen sometime in the near future!), I'll write an update. :icon_wink
To be honest PennyT, if you've not kissed anyone and you're 19, it could very simply be nerves. I got involved with people late, but the moment it all came to be, I can't say I was repulsed. I can say in areas where I had been holding off for whatever reason? Finally, the whole world opened to me and love and sex is really amazing. I do say give it a few shots before you call yourself asexual. Life is too short to assume.
Sex-repulsion can happen if you are brainwashed by religion, and it just takes time, practice, and sometimes even therapy if it's really bad. The main reason I didn't want to sleep with a woman was due to people telling me that it wasn't real sex growing up. That hurts. I didn't want to sleep with a woman and have people (especially her) still consider me a virgin, especially since there's a stigma attached to that term. I was desperate to get rid of it- which would be dangerous if I ended up sleeping with a man. Now I just tell people my feelings and don't date them if they disagree.
