Okay, so I've posted before, but I think my thread was way too all over the place, and it wasn't clear what I was asking...I am looking for advice/suggestions, so it would be great if someone would post! I am a guy. I am from a very conservative religious background, and I am religious myself. I have always been taught that it's wrong to be gay, and I have gone back and forth for the last 10ish years between fervently denying that I'm gay, and accepting it, even if only to myself. I discovered the LGBT community through porn, and it helped me put words to the fuzzy feelings that I've felt about guys all my life. I know that I am attracted to guys. However, a lot of people close to me have fed the line of "You don't know because you've never been with a girl/how do you know until you've tried it?" I am attracted to girls, but I don't like the idea of having sex with girls. I am just attracted in an emotional/romantic way, but not physical. I identify as masculine, and use he/him pronouns. I'm pretty sure I'm not trans, and I've never leaned that way. However, I am gradually drifting towards experimentation - makeup, different clothing that isn't expressly male in design (I'm not wearing "women's clothes" yet, but that day may come...I'm comfortable wearing unisex clothing and women's jewelry) I love drag too (although I know that is a discussion for another forum and another day! Any ideas of what label I would fall under? Bi-romantic gay man? And is there anyone out there from faith communities that has had to struggle with internalized homophobia?
It isn't unusual for a gay man to have very close, loving, platonic relationships with females. Doesn't mean you aren't gay or would want a woman for a life partner, it jsut works like that for a lot more guys than are willing to admit it. I grew up in a very Christian home, same drill, anything but straight is bad, evil, sinful, the reason Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, etc... I won't get into the issues that caused for me here, but I was a mess for a while, until I was able to get that garbage out of my head once and for all. I know that is probably the most difficult struggle you are dealing with and, even harder because you want to keep your faith. I didn't remain Christian. I don't think I would have survived if I had been set on that but, that's a personal decision only you can make for yourself. The way I see it, something isn't right. If God made us all, and God does not make mistakes, then how can LGBTQ be a sin, He made you as you are.
One thing to note about "biromantic homosexuality": In most gay people, male or female, we are conditioned to like the opposite sex. We are told that we will fall in love, marry, have sex, and children with the opposite sex. Most of us believe that we truly love the opposite sex, when we don't, because of social conditioning. Most of us will ID as biromantic gay or bi when we aren't "ready" to let go of the idea of privileges that heterosexual relationships will give us. I don't want to say biromantic gay doesn't exist at all....but in most gay people, it's a transitional phase for when they accept their true homosexuality.
