I'm mostly posting this to force myself to write it all down, but comments are also appreciated! I've always considered myself mostly straight, but I've also been aware pretty much since puberty that I'm also attracted to guys. Throughout my life, I've suppressed this to varying degrees, but it's definitely a part of who I am. Here's the thing: I'm definitely attracted to women (at least sometimes), and I often find myself envisioning romantic relationships with women more easily than with men, but they rarely physically excite me right away. On the other hand, it's a little more common that I'll see a really cute guy and immediately want to flirt with him or get physical. So I suppose I'm not sure if I'm actually attracted to men more than women, or if it's just the unexplored territory that's exciting, or if maybe my romantic and sexual attractions don't line up perfectly. Anyone have similar experiences?
It pretty much worked exactly that way for me--mostly straight, sometimes physically attracted to men but never emotionally, couldn't imagine a relationship with a man. Had relationships and was sexually active with women. Thought I could push the attraction to men down because, well, it was just easier to be with women. Then I finally actually had a guy I was attracted to kiss me, a guy that I actually knew and liked... and it was like lightning through my soul. Seriously, my legs gave out--and by the time I managed to get back up I knew I was gay. Within months what I had thought was attraction to women completely faded away. I haven't been with a woman in twenty-five years. I've been with my husband for eighteen. I'm not saying that's what will happen to you. I'm just saying it's a lot harder to fool your body than it is to fool your mind. Try to be open to what's happening to you and what you are feeling and you'll figure it out...