Still questioning.

Hi Karnstein,

Well everybody and their uncle (and me) will tell you to not worry about labels, just be yourself, blah blah. BUT... how can you possibly do that? I know that the spinning speed of a young person's mind is faster than light. So here goes...

If you've been questioning for a few years already it definitely suggests you are not 100% straight. That's pretty normal. When you look at people and think "I could move in with that person", or "I want to snuggle with that person", or (advanced) "I want to undress that person", then it probably means you are definitely into that gender.

If that seems to happen with equal balance between boys and girls, you're probably bi. More one way or the other... well you get the idea. Another one is, when you kiss (I know this is still in the future) do you get butterflies and feel rainbows? That's how it should be with the gender you like.

Now... you could feel totally the opposite way five years from now. But probably not. And I understand that thinking about "Could I live with so-and-so" is hardly part of your life when you can't drive a car yet! But some of those are good starts.

And... just browsing this website for the experiences of other people is way helpful. Probs more than I am. Welcome and good luck.

 

Oh right, and about telling other people... they sometimes wonder "Why are you telling me this?" Now, your mom will understand why, and it sounds like she might be a little on to you anyway. I think she might be a good start.

Waiting to find out for sure if you're gay or not? That could take your whole life! If you had all boyfriends but then one girlfriend. OK that's a silly example but you see what I mean. Probably in senior high and college you will have friends who know.. if you want them to.

 

First off, I don't think you can ever be "too young" to question your sexuality (or gender for that matter). Although this was not the case for me, I know many people who had known that they were not straight/cisgender since they were very young, even children.

I am bisexual. I know this because I feel attraction towards guys and girls. It's quite simple, really, though it did take a long time for me to realise this due to denial. As you're a female, it's worth considering how you view girls and in what ways you might feel attracted to them. Also consider if you feel the same way towards guys, or if you're more indifferent towards them.

I noticed that you also asked about how one would know whether or not they're trans, but to me it seems like your gender is not one of your concerns at the moment, so I'll leave that question for another day.

In the end, it's up to you to decide when to begin speaking out about your sexuality, assuming that you choose to speak out at all. For me, speaking out sooner helped me to get over my denial more quickly, though I'll admit that until I got over the denial, I used to get quite a bit anxious that I had been making a fuss over something that was potentially not true. Then again I'm the kind of person that likes to get things done quickly, so waiting was not an option for me.

Having said that, I suggest waiting it out for just a little bit longer, if you're able to wait, until you're more certain. Give yourself time to think things over -- though it looks like you've already done plenty of this, seeing as you've been questioning for years. If you do want to start speaking out now, that's okay too. Who knows, it might help you come to terms with your sexuality sooner.