I've identified (mostly privately) as a lesbian for about a year now, but I've always been so frustrated. I feel like I'm just faking it for attention or something stupid. I definitely know I like girls. I want to marry one someday and raise a family. That much is clear. However, I've found it confusing whether or not I like guys. Recently, a guy in my grade started crushing on me. I don't know for sure really, but I'm the first person he asks for advice or help, he says hi and bye to me but never says it to other girls, and he blushes a bit when I smile. I really don't know. I definitely think about him differently than I do other guys, but I don't know if I like him. It could be just because he likes me. I heard that happens a fair bit. He's a really nice person, and I heard rumours that he's planning on asking someone out in the new year, and it might be me. Honestly, he's the first guy that the thought of being with doesn't utterly repulse me. I don't know how to feel. I've also come out to a friend as gay. I would have explained it a bit more thoroughly, but I didn't have much time. I've come out to others as lesbian but questioning, and explained that I'm not entirely sure how I feel about guys at the moment. This makes things a bit more complicated I think. Anyway, do you have any thoughts? Any ways to figure out if my 'feelings' for him are real or constructed? Anything would be helpful. Perhaps it's just that I'm like a 5 on the kinsey scale or something.
At 14 I was really trying to figure it out. I did ask my friends..."How do I interact with guys? ....."I remember one friend saying I come off not interested and distant....her exact wording was "Dismissive" I believe. So you could always ask your friends what your behavior is like with guys? I felt it was helpful and insightful. As I got older I heard it more and more, but it was unsolicited opinions...from guys. I had absolutely no interest...I would see a guy that I thought was cute and really cool at that age, but it wasn't actual attraction. If you two are not friends already and he asks you for advice or help he may have a crush on you. If you two are already friends it's harder to tell if he's just talking to you because he enjoys the friendship. I do believe you are still developing as a person (not dismissing you at all)...so keep exploring who you are. By the time you are in your early 20's you probably will know what your sexuality is 100% if you continue to explore it and understand who you are as a person. Don't bury it. You also have so much more resources than I did at age 14 so take advantage of it...it will help you a whole lot. You could read PG rated lesbian novels if you are able to get a hold of them at your local library. My only advice to figure out if your feelings for him are real is to explore it and let it play out.
Ok so when you think about girls and ones that you like what kind of thoughts enter your head? Then think about this guy are they the same kind of thoughts? You don't have to write your thoughts down here if you don't want to you can just think about it yourself.
How do you feel about dating and sex with guys, or this guys? He could be an exception, but there could also be feelings of compulsory heterosexuality at play. Homophobia toward lesbians is based more on who we don't like rather than who we DO like. It is easy for a woman to realize she likes girls, but harder to accept she doesn't like guys, because the latter is a larger social stigma.
