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Only made things complicated.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CGGuy, Nov 16, 2016.

  1. CGGuy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2016
    Messages:
    34
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    Location:
    Amman
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So there is this guy I have had a crush on the 6th grade. Things have changed we have come forwards and backward, but now that I am kind of closer to him. He confessed to me that he is gay. I was extremely happy to hear so. Thrilled may I say.

    The day he did so, he was so turned on -having a boner the whole time- and well, so was I. He wanted to have sex, be boyfriends in secret -Jordan- you know. I partially refused by that saying it will destroy our friendship, but deep down, I wanted to.

    Kind of playing it hard, later by, he kept messaging that he liked me, I didn't really like him then, now that I do (realized this week) he is dumping me literally... when I see him in the hallways he turn out his sight and just moving away. It hurt me, a lot, I blogged my feelings and I was so sad because I thought its too late.

    But I didn't let it be that way, I have been trying to walk home with him every day but didn't catch him. But today, I went straight to him, because I need clarification, I am not letting him lead me on so I went and said, I like you, his reply was OK. It kept me shaking because he literally was exploding my inbox with love messages 2 weeks ago and now??!

    So we kept talking and talking about being gay in Jordan and so on, until he said his offer back that he wanted to hook up, I didn't know what to say, I don't want to blow it up again. So I accepted. But during our talk, all he was talking about is how he doesn't imagine marrying a guy. Neither seeing a scooth (it disgusts him), or being homophobic to himself because he can't accept that he is gay. But he still knows he is gay.

    Anyway, so we went and did it. And oh well, I don't know if I can still count it as a hookup it was around 20 mins but he didn't even want to kiss which as far as I know is he just want to empty his needs. He annoyed me too saying how many times he have done it and about his partners it was annoying being told so.

    It has changed everything because now I didn't feel so much turned on by it, my whole life all I knew is that I liked boys. Now that I have done it, I felt nothing. Simply no bonding, chemistry or whatever a guy has to feel not even euphoria... It was traumatizing. And all that is going on through my mind is confusion and loss in words. So to sum it up, the first thing am I only a hookup material for him? because after we have done it, he simply said, you know your route home right? I was still in the process of realizing wtf is going on, so I turned to him and said you're not kicking me are you? He said know I thought you don't know the route. And so we both have gone each in his route. Was it the right to do it in the first place, and secondly, may I not be gay? but how come?? Maybe it is because I felt uncomfortable and not so easy realizing that he wanted to do his urge and go.... And ok guys, I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SOOO LONG BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!! :bang::bang::help::help::help:
     
  2. I'm gay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2016
    Messages:
    1,751
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    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't let this get you down. It can be confusing when sex with a guy doesn't meet our expectations, and make you question your sexuality.

    All it really means is that you had a bad sexual experience. It doesn't mean that you aren't gay. You know your attractions and those didn't change.

    The lack of real intimacy with him made this just sex, and by the sound of it, not very good sex.

    Go find yourself someone who doesn't have such internal homophobia. I'm actually surprised he came out to you at all, but you don't need someone who just wants to use you to get himself off. You need someone who can make love to you. That's the difference.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: