Hi, sorry if this turns out really long... I'm a girl and 16 and a few years ago I had a romantic, non-sexual, but very emotionally deep relationship with another girl that prompted me to come out as lesbian. I am very open about being gay, so (as much as I don't like this) a lot of people base their entire view of me as 'the lesbian'. My friends are completely accepting but even they bring it up a little more than I'd like. Anyway, so I was happy to call myself lesbian because it felt comfortable and I am almost certain that I'm romantically attracted to just girls. I don't understand what I'm feeling sexually, though, because I don't feel physical sexual attraction 'down there' much but when I do feel it it's usually for a guy on tv or something (never a boy I know), and it's usually unrelated to sex, just him having his arm on my lower back or him pressing himself against me. With girls, it's girls on tv or that I know and often to do with sex or making out yet I don't feel anything physical 'down there', I just feel like I want it to happen. I'm so, so confused and the idea of having to come out again as straight or bi gives me a lot of anxiety because it's taken me years to feel 100% comfortable as and known as a lesbian. If there's anyone out there who's been kind enough to read through all this it would mean so much if you could help me out thanks in advance for any useful advice
First of all don't worry it's all going to be ok. And at the same time I totally get feeling the way you do. So first of all it sounds if you may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum so consider that. Also, as far as you "feelings" toward guys it's only in movies right? I would see this as similar to porn being unrelated to your sexuality. Would you ever want to be with a guy in real life? And you're definitely don't sound straight. Hope this helps a little. message me if you want to talk more.
I've known many women who were just not that horny or turned on in their teens. (Irony: Forty years ago, they were the girls I dated -- to my frustration -- they considered themselves normal, and looked down on their horny same-age friends.) Fast-forward five years or so and they say "Now I understand what those young guys (or girls) were feeling!" The fire turns on. At the risk of stereotyping, this seems more common in girls.
Don't worry about how you're feeling, it will eventually be clear. I'll also just say that sexual and romantic attractions aren't always perfectly aligned, which is also ok. Don't be alarmed if you're turned on by a gender that you aren't usually attracted to, it probably just means that you're open minded. When it comes to porn, i think most open minded straight people can probably get turned on by same sex porn. However, don't just downplay these feelings, allow yourself to explore them. When i first started to question my sexuality, I knew that I was attracted to females as well as males (I am female) but it was a purely sexual thing for me. Only recently have I been romantically attracted to a female. The most important thing is that you can accept yourself. Honestly, in terms of how other people react, coming out as lesbian was probably the more difficult thing to do. If you're straight (which doesn't seem likely, given that you're predominantly attracted to females) then that's also ok. You explored what you want. It's better to explore and be sure rather than conform and restrict yourself, to a point where you're curious but won't allow yourself to find out what it is you're curious about. If you are bisexual then that's ok too. It doesn't change anything really. Being lesbian is similar, in the way that both sexualities are attracted to women. You've already come out as that so for those who have accepted that, accepting that you also like men shouldn't be as difficult. You may get asked questions by people who don't quite understand but that's ok. it's good actually. it's better that they're trying to understand, rather than remaining ignorant and disassociating themselves.
The best thing is probably to not label yourself. Which I do, but I kind of need it, you know. Just let the love flow! I personally label myself as a bisensual lesbian, which means, I am sexually attracted to women, but only sensually attracted to men, which means like kissing and kuddling, but not having sex. Please don't hate me, I'm from Germany.
A fair amount of people here are from non English speaking countries so no one will put you down for any mistakes in language or things that are simply different from country to country. Welcome to EC fellow German =P
