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I am a straight man but confused that I am not gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by stompmyfeet, Nov 16, 2016.

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  1. stompmyfeet

    stompmyfeet
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    Hey all,

    So I have quite an interesting case for you all. I know this may seem ignorant for me to make a topic like this, but it has been kind of bothering me lately.

    As the title of the post says, I am a straight male - ever since I was 6 years old, I remember being emotionally and physically attracted to women. Sounds simple enough, right?

    Well, I have recently been trying to become more of an ally to LGBT+ people ( one of my best friends is a gay man and I am helping in an HIV/AIDS non profit) and in the process watched different coming out videos on youtube and it just kind of naturally causes me to look introspectively at my own life and history...

    One thing I see almost unanimously in all the coming out vids that I saw was that a) these guys noticed that they were unmistakably more feminine than the average guy and felt different somehow and b) were often bullied for this and 'seeming gay' and felt like 'the world knew they were gay before they were'

    Well, both of these things are true for me growing up. I too kind of took to some more feminine aesthetics. I cared about clothes, and liked wearing nice clothes- I was boyish sure and liked sports and action cartoons and robots - but I liked pretty things too. I liked ( and still love) flowers, and jewelry and like making myself look 'pretty' in a sense.

    Well come middle school, that's when the 'gay bullying' started too. A few guys throughout had accused me of being 'gay' (in a negative tone and sense), and alienated me for it. I am sure because of the clothes I'd wear and my general mature, sophisticated disposition when compared to most boys my age. All through middle school and highschool and even college people would constantly ask and wonder if I was gay... some were even just so sure that I must be.. so it's like the world knows something I don't sometimes... or so it feels

    I just feel I fulfill a lot of gay stereotypes... I love Mariah Carey (as in find her hot and beautiful and would love to be her lover) but also as a singer, song writer and she's apparently like a big gay icon

    I like and prefer small dogs... I dream of going to Paris one day and am a general Francophile...

    I dress well, talk well,respect womanhood

    Throughout my life I've had sets of close knit female friends

    Ive definitely had more male friends and am closer to my guy friends, but still..

    I dunno, there's a lot of people who assume I am straight but plenty that assume gay , and it's just kind of perplexing how I have a lot of the same experiences as these gay men ( being a bit more feminine and being bullied for 'seeming gay' in school) - yet I am actually straight. Always been crazy about the female body and women in general

    I know in the past, I was somewhat homophobic , because for me, 'gay' was bad because being labeled 'gay' signaled being ostracized socially from my male peers who I had wished to connect and bond with. It took meeting many gay folks and reading their stories and my own logic improving to see that gay is okay.

    What do you all think? :eusa_danc
     
    #1 stompmyfeet, Nov 16, 2016
  2. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    To put it simply, stompmyfeet, being gay has nothing to do with stereoptypes. It has solely to do with whom one is sexually attracted. If you are a male who is sexually attracted to women and not to men, you are straight.:slight_smile:
     
    #2 Quantumreality, Nov 16, 2016
  3. killswitch0029

    killswitch0029
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    If you don't like guys, you're not gay. Being feminine is just a personality trait, it's not an indicator for sexuality.
     
    #3 killswitch0029, Nov 16, 2016
  4. I'm gay

    I'm gay
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    I agree completely with the two responses before me.

    I'd like to add that the spectrum of masculinity to femininity is not related to one's orientation. The entire spectrum of hyper-masculine guys to guys that are very feminine, and every degree in between, and the same for females, and the same for every gender in between - exists for gay people and straight people and everywhere in between.

    I happen to be a masculine guy, with very few feminine traits either in personality or physical features. I don't "look" gay, and in fact a large percentage of people here are people who don't fit the stereotype. It's much easier to stay in the closet if you don't fit the stereotype.

    If you don't think about guys, fantasize about guys, or desire guys in a sexual way, then you are not gay. Unless there's something else you haven't shared, be content in your straightness, despite what other myth-believing people may think.

    And thank you for being an ally to the LGBT community! Stay strong.

    Cheers! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
    #4 I'm gay, Nov 16, 2016
  5. EverDeer

    EverDeer
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    Perhaps because of what society has told you, your own traits, and the fact that you are a supportive ally to your friend and have bonded with him, you feel like you fit in more with LGBT people for some reason. Have you considered if you don't have a sexual interest in men, perhaps a romantic one? Also, personally oddly enough I can relate to a certain degree, I always thought I was straight for a very long time simply because I was born female and prefer men in all degrees, but then I found out that I was acting the way I was because moreso because I was agender. Have you considered some of your traits/motivations to be due to being gender-related? If not, then all I can say is maybe you just found solace with your friend and due to not fitting in and thought you could find a place in the LGBT community even though thats not entirely how that works. I guess I'd encourage you to know that how you are is perfectly okay and to just find like-minded people with your interests and try not to be too sad or confused since you're moreso just looking for somewhere to fit in.
     
    #5 EverDeer, Nov 16, 2016
  6. AnAtypicalGuy

    AnAtypicalGuy
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    I second all of the above. Your femininity is not a direct indicator of your sexuality; your thoughts, emotions and desires alone determine whether or not you're gay/straight/bi etc. I've met plenty of well-mannered, dog-loving guys who were straight, likewise I know many masculine men who are gay. It's also not unheard of for a straight man to be accused of being gay and get bullied for it.
     
    #6 AnAtypicalGuy, Nov 16, 2016
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