Hey guys, here's my story: From very young age, I found myself very interested and attracted to female body. I was mesmerized by,absorbed by it.Shape of their body just creates a strong urge to have physical contact. My first "crush" , was in when I was 5 years old, it was a girl. From that point and on all my crushes that I ever had were girls. Since I know for myself I would always watched guy on girl porn. The question here isn't if I am attracted to girls, I am 100% sure I am, no denial there. What gets me confused is this. One day, my friend told me that he only watches lesbian porn, I got confused because I only watched heterosexual pornography (girl-guy)-imagining myself as a bloke in the porn. I obssesed about this for a month. I had to check if I was gay. I turned on some solo porn. After 15+ mins, of not being erect even with manual stimulation-even though I felt some tingling, I finally got erect and at the moment the actor orgasmed, I did too. I was literally shocked because of the result. After series of test-same type of testing(masturbation sessions), analyzing why and how it happened I came to conclusion that whenever I watch those types of videos(solo guys) vicariously (which seems to have happened), inserting myself in the actor's position, imagining what he feels (erection-which is not present at the moment of watching,particularly ejaculation, and just the overall feeling) I will after some time get aroused-provided I have manual stimulation.I even recorded myself masturbating(with face,no just bodyparts),watched it identifying with the "feelings" and got aroused,orgasmed.I am not attracted to myself 100% sure.But if I concentrate on guy's(actors) appearance,body,frame,overall look without imagining how It would feel if I was him. I will get nothing.Zero arousal.It seems like watching a wall or something. With girls it's almost instant arousal. No need for manual stimulus at all. When I fantasize, thinking about having sex with guys it seems a bit icky, I don't puke or something but just seems boring and lame.It doesn't give arousal,I can only get "hard" but only with vigorous manual stimulus, which is just unavoidable at that point -The imagined act itself doesn't cause me to have arousal. With girls it leads to arousal, with little to no manual stimulus almost instantly. I also need to say that I am obsessive person , had these sexual obsessions even before when I was little boy when a guy kissed me in the cheek-without my permission, I thought I was gay. I had obsessions related to my health which were very severe, I doubted even P.H.D doctors ,telling me I am fine. What is my orientation?
Its normal for people to be attracted to their own sex in porn because they are imagining themselves in the situation, that doesn't mean you're attracted to that sex neccessarily, just that you're attracted to the idea of being in the situation (like, what the guy is doing to the woman). Also, what porn you like isn't neccessarily even indicative of your sexuality anyway- there have been many studies on people of all orientations liking all types of porn, and primarily also studies on straight women enjoying primarily lesbian or gay porn due to the romantic/social interaction sometimes not found in straight porn. With the fact that you said the male gender is somewhat repulsive to you, you're probably not gay.
Agree with Kipper. If you read around this forum, you will see that the experiences of people who are gay (or who eventually decide they are) are very different from yours. They have early crushes on guys. (In the case relevant to you.) They think about guys all the time. They want to kiss them. They get nervous and excited around them. Usually (but not always) the shape of the female body does not create an urge to have physical contact. Etc etc. Also you will find pretty widespread agreement that porn interest just does not correlate very well with sexual or romantic orientation. For whatever reasons, it's all over the map for all sorts of people. So it sounds like you are a plain old straight person.. with porn interests that actually are also pretty common, although most people just don't admit it. ---------- Post added 17th Nov 2016 at 12:02 PM ---------- But you certainly did come to the right place to ask the question. Stick around, read more of other people's stories, and you will gain some understanding and sympathy for your fellow humans!
