About three years ago, I started questioning my sexuality. I had always been attracted to men, but I started to feel attraction to girls and I came out as bisexual. About a year after that, I realized that I really didn't like guys at all anymore and I figured that I was a lesbian. Now, two years later, I'm starting to realize that I don't know if I'm attracted to girls at all. I thought I liked girls, but I never really wanted to end up with a girl forever. I just figured that it was because I hadn't met the right one yet but I don't know if it was just because I didn't like girls all along. All of my questioning also happened right after I had cut contact with a man who abused me throughout my childhood and I don't know if I was just telling myself I liked girls so I didn't have to risk ending up with a guy like him one day. I feel like I know I'm not gay but everyday my mind keeps screaming at me to keep questioning whenever I see a girl who is attractive. I also don't know if I really was attracted to girls or if it was just in a friendly way. Whenever I would see a pretty girl, I would just assume it was attraction since I would get a butterfly feeling in my stomach but I could never bring myself to actually go on a date with one. I don't know if it's because I've never been in a relationship with someone of the same gender and I don't know what it's like or if I was just not interested in them. On the other hand, whenever I would think I was attracted to guys, I would become extremely uncomfortable if it was reciprocated and I couldn't force myself to start a relationship with them either. I'm afraid that I was faking this all along or I was just confused. I don't want to be that person who pretended to be gay and then went to all these pride events just to turn out to be the intruder who was straight and didn't belong there all along. I don't want to have to tell everyone that I was straight after all and risk offending people who are not straight since for me, my sexuality actually could've been a phase and I know it isn't that way for them. Has anyone ever questioned like this and then realized they were gay? Or even straight? Or is there any advice someone could give me so I can figure this out?
What makes or made you think you're attracted to women and what makes you think that you are attracted to men? To which genders do you feel sexually attracted? Also, have you ever considered that you could also be asexual?
I think for some people sexuality can be a pretty fluid thing. Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't worry about what other people think. If it makes you feel uncomfortable currently identifying as lesbian when you're not sure if you're attracted to girls, then maybe tell the people closest to you that maybe you misjudged it, and that you're somewhere back on the sliding scale again. If you want to feel less alone in your experience I can offer up my fluctuations: I went from straight, to bisexual, to lesbian, to then accepting I'm trans and starting to identify as male, so going back to being straight, to now questioning - do I actually like men too, again? I've given up on specific labels and just use queer now! I judge my attraction on a person-by-person case now, and I'm not going to limit myself. Things to consider are possibly yes, your sexuality has changed, and that is completely fine. Or maybe as Loveislife suggested you could be asexual. Or pansexual - how do you feel about attraction to binary and non binary genders? I know when you're questioning it's easy for it to kind of consume your thought processes and to become pretty anxious about it. But at the end of the day it's perfectly fine to fall in love with whoever you end up falling in love with, and to be attracted to whoever you may be attracted to.
