So I'm male, 28 years old, thought I was gay in highschool, then realized I wasn't gay per sé, but a strange flavor of bisexual. When the label wave started becoming more accessible, I realized I identified more with pansexual/demisexual. And as life experiences started taking their turn, my male sexual preference became almost non-existant, while my female preference roared into it's coming of age. Mind you, at this time... I hadn't really been too sexually active. Time or two here and there with a male, and a time or two here and there with a female. Joined the army, spent my time there "closeted" so to speak. Had a small run-in with a fella in San Antonio, and enjoyed the fling on the intimacy level, but was unable to perform beyond. Got out, and enjoyed strange bursts of random intimacy preference waves. Fell in love with my first real boyfriend. Lived with him. Never had sex. Wasn't able to perform. But before/after him, I was active with females. I loved this man. I loved being around him. I loved hearing his voice. I loved waking up in his arms. And I felt like something was wrong with me because I couldn't perform. Flash forward to now, almost ten years later. Though I have had multiple very serious relationships with females, I still have a piqued interest in men. But it's not sexual. It is physical, and even emotional. But not sexual. If sex wasn't a necessary part of a relationship, I would spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams, wherever I may have found him. But that's not the case. And while I want to go out with some of these wonderful men that have come and gone in my life, I restrain myself because I feel it's not right to put them in a situation where they won't be satisfied. Does anyone know what this is? Does anyone know what I should do? I'm tired of being confused. -_- ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2016 at 12:47 AM ---------- Oh, and also.. to add to the confusion... I cannot perform with females immediately. I have to know them, and be able to find them attractive on a more intellectual level. Which leads me to think maybe the serious boyfriend was a fluke, and to give a guy a longer lived chance?
Maybe you are the type that needs to have an emotional connection to have sex with anyone and possibly this ex boyfriend you didn't have a strong enough emotional connection. Maybe there is some level of shame holding you back from being sexual with anyone. I usually see it as everything emotional you have with a person you can have with anyone. You could love the hug and voice of your father, brother, and/or uncle. You could love them deeply and do anything for them...but you wouldn't have sex with them. (really not sure where I was going with this simile lol) To me it's the same with men.. I can love being around them and hugging them. Love them to the moon and back. But at the end of the day they are not something I could settle down with because sex is what I expect from a relationship. I mean for me sex is really the only thing that create a different relationship. I didn't feel comfortable having sex with someone of the opposite sex nor did I look forward to it or seek it out truly. I honestly could never keep up a relationship with a man that required more than what a friend required...which was also an aspect of my emotional being I could give to them. They knew this. All my boyfriends I liked them out of site...I just like the fact I could say "I had a boyfriend"...because I didn't have to face my sexuality and more times than not it kept guys away lol, but then I had someone I could go to as a safe place. It wasn't fair for them and landed me in some uncomfortable situations. I guess you have to figure out the boundary of when does something move past a family, best friend, brotherly/sisterly, best friend love. For me it's sex and emotional involved beyond what a friend requires for you... it may be something else. While overall I am horrible with relationships because I am a loner at the end of the day....too independent. I think since you can have a serious relationship with a male (even a female if I read correctly) there might just be the fear of being intimate in a sexual manner or maybe you just don't have a huge desire for sex (whether medical or you just don't value sex like a certain percentage of the population may.) Hopefully there is something useful in the rant, but I have limited knowledge on all forms of sexuality.
