Terrified of being a lesbian

Hey guys...

so this summer it really hit me and the first time in my life i had the actual thought: "oh my god, i like women!" the first conclusion i had was that im bisexual. that felt quite fine the last couple of months, being out to nobody, being in a relationship with a man.

so i came out to my best friend as bisexual. i didnt use exactly the term, but i told him that i dated a woman and that i like woman too. the instant label someone get for this is bi.

but now.... after i told him i felt more free to actually be open about myself and now im feeling that i am only looking after girls. im dreaming about a relationship with a woman. the first time i understand what it means to be really attracted by a body. all the guys i fell in love with (or had crushes on)... i was crushing on them because i was in my early twenties, never have had a relationship and they were nice to me. i just wished to have a relationship so hard that i cannot see, if they were actual crushes or if i just was desperate to be "normal".

i read my diary entries about my first boyfriend. and in hindsight... i was totally forcing myself to feel attracted to him. i was constantly trying to convince myself that im in love with him....

and im not sure if im doing the same thing right now in my current relationship i feel like an a**hole to think this, because i know my boyfriend loves me and i so dont wanna hurt him. he is really like my best friend, i can tell him everything, i can cuddle with him, hes sweet and adorable.... and i kinda love him. but i dont know in which way.
but also here its like... we live in a distant relationship since five years now. and now stuff gets real, if we are going on with the relationship i would move to another city, like 500 miles away from the place im living now...

i am so terrified right now... terrified of the thought i might actually be a lesbian. terrified of the thought i might hurt my boyfriend really badly. and terrified to move without knowing all this stuff :icon_sad:

sorry for the long story.... hope, someone has some advice