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I'm confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by RoseEntity, Dec 8, 2016.

  1. RoseEntity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Perth, WA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I've lived my entire life as a straight person, but recently I'm just not sure anymore. I'm 14 and I'm a girl and I have a boyfriend and stuff, and we're happy but I'm worried that I have a small crush on a girl I'm friends with. This girl is a close friend and she has come to me before and said that from the way I act I seemed bi. She might be right, i just don't really understand my own emotions, I don't 100% understand what counts as like-liking someone (I feel so much younger using that term) because as many guys as I've dated I always end up breaking up with them cause the feelings don't last. And I'm always really happy when I'm around this girl, no matter what mood I'm in, just being with her makes it impossible to be mad. To make my uncertainty about my feelings worse, my parents are strict Christians and we've already gotten into a lot of arguments about whether being gay is right or not (Before questioning these things I already decided that I supported equality no matter what) Everyone that is gay that I know has always said you just know. But I don't know and honestly I'm scared and its driving me crazy. I can't find much help online cause the only thing i've found about sexuality is this 'you'll just know' or 'do you have dreams/fantasies about the same sex and/or the opposite sex' and to be honest, I don't dream much about other people. I don't dream much at all. other stuff is like 'have you ever had any voluntary sexual encounters with opposite/same sex' and stuff like that which isn't helpful cause i'm still young and kind of pure. I remember kissing one of my friends in grade 6, i can't remember it well but I remember she did something or got me a gift or something and I felt really happy and I kissed her on the cheek. I don't know why i kissed her, I could have hugged her or anything really. Her and I were inseparable for grade 4 and we went through a rocky time in grade 5 but came out as friends again. I'd still count us as friends (halfway through grade 6, after this, she started spreading rumors about me and told a lot of people secrets i'd told her. She did use this kiss sometimes. She didn't really try to hide it, she sat directly behind me. Maybe its stupid to still talk to her and trail her around whenever I see her at easter camp.) I don't really feel anything for her though, but we've both changed a lot since primary school.

    This was really long, so thanks for taking time out of your day to read this. Hopefully you'll be able to help me. I probably didn't structure it that well (never been good at that) and theres probably unnecessary info in there too.
     
  2. Anthemic

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Alabama
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Even if you don't dream much, do you ever fantasize or daydream about other girls? Do you feel butterflies around your current boyfriend? Do you have butterflies around your female friend? (Butterflies are that fluttery feeling you get in your gut along with a hyper feeling.)
     
  3. beenthrdonetht

    Full Member

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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I will not mention how young you are. (There, I didn't say it. :slight_smile: ) And what you'd like is to predict the future (what you'll do) so you can know the present (what you are). Alas, everybody is in the same boat and nobody can do it.

    OK, after that gloomy assessment, maybe I can add a bit. Like anthemic said, waking fantasies and daydreams are a start to figuring it out. When you say "I'm always really happy when I'm around this girl, no matter what mood I'm in, just being with her makes it impossible to be mad. " that does sound like the butterflies. Another criterion is how you imagine the long-term future, who would you settle down with?

    You have done your homework and your conclusion ("you just know") is correct. This is hard to explain to people whose religious opinions have more to do with following rules than with understanding feelings. I wish I could help with that.

    In sum, although it's a bit early to say, you sound like a person who at least has the capacity to love girls, maybe boys too. To tell you the truth I think that makes you a more complete person. Good luck being that person.

    ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2016 at 10:17 AM ----------

    P.S.: I love Perth. Living there and being happy would be great. I hope it happens to you.
     
  4. RoseEntity

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Perth, WA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I do daydream about about girls sometimes, the same as boys. I used to feel butterflies with my boyfriend but, like every boyfriend I've ever dated, my feelings are just going away, I find myself not really wanting to kiss him anymore and I can't actually image us together in the future anymore.