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Unsure if gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by markantony, Dec 8, 2016.

  1. markantony

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    new york
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Longish post:

    When I first started feeling attraction it was always to girls. I had crushes and experienced arousal and would fantasize about them. In middle school I was often called gay and around that time also started feeling attracted to guys and would fantasize about them and I lost my attraction to girls. I hated not being able to be attracted to girls and for about a year was constantly afraid that I was now gay. Then through high school and into college I resisted my attractions towards men and even was able to feel attracted to girls in a way I thought was genuine, however it always felt a little forced. Recently however I started watching gay porn and although I enjoy it in the moment I always feel straight afterwards however I am now having a harder time than ever before at being attracted to girls. I do not want to be gay and would give anything to get my attraction to girls back that I had so long ago.
     
  2. andimon

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    A few people
    I feel that you're thinking too much. Worrying and forcing yourself into things will do no good. Just chill and let yourself flow naturally.
     
  3. Blackrainbow

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    Lesbian
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    Some people
    It sounds like something you're really struggling with and I'm so sorry about that. This might sound like a strange question, but you could maybe start out thinking about your perception of homo/bisexuality in general? I know personally it became a lot easier to accept my own sexuality when I'd made my peace with it being something that didn't make me a worse person or be something that would completely alter the way I had to live my life. If you try to break away the negative associations with being gay or bi foremost, it might be easier for reexamine who you are with a clean slate, if that makes any sense? It sort of sounds like you are trying to force yourself to be one thing, and that overlay of 'wanting' is definitely going to make it harder to see things for how they really are.

    It can certainly be hard to look at your own sexuality as a neutral ground, especially when people around you (or y'know society generally) is always colouring your perception of who you think you should be. I think it's worth it to persevere though, rather than deny any possibility that makes you uncomfortable in the short term but might make your life make a lot more sense in the grand scheme of things.

    Ultimately, it's you who decides who you are and how you want to live your live. And as andimon said there, it's not always helpful to try to put a label on yourself.
     
  4. findingjoy

    Regular Member

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    No surprise there. Porn is NOT an indicator of your sexuality- it is highly addictive and sends people down all sorts of sexual paths they would never expect... please read up on porn addiction -google some sites- there are plenty out there - most people can get a good idea of their sexuality if they take a three month porn and masturbation break (this is very hard to do but many people have done it) at the very least try to stay away from porn when trying to figure out your sexuality.
     
  5. Behaviorist

    Regular Member

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    Another reason I think this is important is because the depictions found in porn are often not true homosexual encounters and therefore do not provide much insight into what it's actually like. Only you know the thoughts and feelings you have based on the experiences you like and dislike. Have you ever had a same sex relationship?