Just for the sake of remaining as anonymous as possible, I'm only going to say that I'm in highscool. Sorry, and sorry if this is long too. Up until this weekend I have always acknowledged myself as straight, although I have used the term demisexual to describe a lack of sexual feelings for anyone. That is, until, one of my best friends outed one of my other best friends to me. To be fair to him, he didn't know she hadn't said anything to me yet. Anyways, I'd known he was gay since last year, and I'd lowkey suspected she might be queer for a while. But after he pointed it out, it was like a Tsunami of emotional stress and anxiety hit me. For both Tuesday afternoon through Wednesday morning I was trying to cope with a heaviness in my chest and anxiety that literally shook me. Maybe it was because I'd have to keep a secret. Maybe it was because I know before she's told me. Eventually I began to think of myself, although this was late at night with a journal and a pencil at my disposal. I wrote and wrote on Tuesday night, and only concluded that I could possibly like her (but alas, I didn't want to). I wasn't sure how to describe it. After school on Wednesday I tried to explain my anxiety to him on the bus, but he kept getting this knowing smile thag bothered me too much to finish. Thursday I spoke with him again. Over the previous night I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't sure thag I liked my female friend, but that I found girls attractive sexually, and perhaps romantically. Slowly I told him that I MIGHT like girls, but during the conversation he interuptted, assuming that I was coming out as gay/admitting that I liked my friend. It's kind of weird to think of him subconsciously pressuring me into saying that I felt like I could be bisexual, when the original term I was going for was bicurious. I don't want to be bisexual or bicurious. It's kind of a "anyone but me" kind of scenario I suppose. It feels like I'm betraying myself and who I'm supposed to be by calling myself bi. I'm not the sort of person to hate myself. I generally have amazing self-esteem. But coupling the fact that what feels right seems wrong and all of the negatively towards bisexuals in and out of the LGBT community isn't making me feel like I'm not "faking it." My female friend knows something is wrong because I've told her something is wrong, but I just didn't know if I could tell her. Then i told her I'd tell her on Monday, and i don't feel ready to do that. I don't even know if I can, because the other told me not to tell her he outed her. I have no clue what to do. ;-;
Well, if you do have feelings for your friend maybe instead of saying you know she's queer, just say you have feelings for her. Also if you don't like the term bisexual, you don't have to use it. In fact, you don't have to use any terms if you don't want to. Labels are not necessary. And maybe you should try and find a friend who is more patient with you while you figure things out, or just talk to someone here. It's important to have someone who will listen and not rush you.
I use the term queer because lesbian doesn't sit right on my tongue. Sorry. Regarding feelings that I do have for her, I'm not allowed to have them. I've seen so many relationships go south between former-friends gone lovers that it terrifies me to even think about it.
Well it doesn't always happen that way. I personally have had friends I had feelings for and told or even dated and then been fine afterwards. The most important thing though is doing what you feel is best for you and if you think pursuing romantic feelings isn't a good idea then you can chose not to act.
I'll take the other tack from smores and suggest that you tell your friend that the thing that is occupying your mind is that you think you like girls. Without fessing up that thinking about her is part of what prompted this soul-searching. It might kinda put her on the spot if you right out tell her you're crushing on her. And this way it might make it easier for her to come out to you. But on the other hand.. smores could be right. Aargh, I can't decide. Well, it's you who gets to decide, not us. Anyway it's now Monday already. You better update us.
