Long post ahead, sorry ;-; So just recently I came out to my sister about being lesbian. But for some reason, I'm still find myself doubting that I really am gay?? I think I'm just unsure because... in general I just never really had a crush on anybody (I've never really had a best friend that I really cared for and transfer schools way too often to form any proper bonds). I've searched the web for articles on signs of/identifying your sexuality, but most of them are just through having a crush on a girl or something. But I've never had a crush before so I don't know??? I'm also scared to have a crush too, I think, because as far as I can tell no one else in my grade is a lesbian and I don't want to have to suffer through crushing on someone who won't return my feelings. Can anyone help? ;-; (PS People have said I just haven't met the right guy yet but I've never wanted to have actual sex with anyone but a girl. I'm worried that maybe I'm just subconsciously trying to be gay ;-; )
But consider: they also don't know you are gay. Some of them might be too. Sorry to be a downer here, but you will. We all do. Sigh, they always say that. You could be sassy and reply that they just haven't meet the right same-sex person yet. That enlightens some and annoys others. But really you didn't ask to be picked apart point-by-point. You asked for some understanding. Well FWIW you sound like you are not 100% straight, that you should date a girl and see how it goes, and browse around this forum to see the stories of other people. After a while, you start to get the big picture, and see where your place might be in it. Good luck, and stick around. People here care.
Hey I can sympathise with you, I never really had crushes which is I think why I didn't figure out my sexuality until I was in my mid twenties. Try not to worry about it if you have got as far as coming out as gay I think it is highly unlikely you made it all up. So what made you think you were a lesbian?
I come from a really conservative and strict family, so I think I was always just pressured into thinking that I didn't have time to look at guys/girls in general while in school. So basically I was always too busy studying to actually have friends or develop crushes on people. As for my sexuality, I think I've just always had an attraction to girls when I was a kid. I hung out with boys a lot because I was nervous about talking to them and even got my hands on some lesbian porn in middle school that I really enjoyed. But then my parents stepped in with their strict education and I just... stopped thinking about all of that and assumed I was straight. I started reconsidering just about a year when I fantasized about having a relationship with someone after my sister got a boyfriend, and I realized that I just really wanted to get together and settle down with a girl. I remember crying the first few times I really thought about being together with a girl because it felt like it was the perfect life I had always wanted?? But for basically the most of my life I've been deprived of any chances to actually get close to other people and form connections like crushes, which is why I'm still trying to determine if what I'm feeling is actually valid.
Sorry I'm still sort of struggling to find out how this site works haha Alongside transferring schools I was always under the impression that I had no time for relationships/dating from my parents, which was why I think I never bothered to get close enough to anyone to have a crush. For my sexuality, I've always been attracted to girls as a kid (fantasized about kissing them/stumbled on some lesbian porn and liked it) but after my parents stepped in I just stopped thinking about attraction in general and assumed I was straight. My sister got a boyfriend a year ago and I thought about getting in a relationship too (We're at a boarding school away from my parents) and realized that I really wanted to get together with a girl and settle down with her. It got to the point where I would sometimes cry because it seems like that was the most perfect life I could ever have, and coming out to my sister was really hard as well. I also have fantasized with getting together with an out-bi girl who's a grade older than me. I think I'm also trying to figure out the difference between being sexually attracted to someone and just thinking that someone is attractive (I've done the latter with both girls and boys). I guess I'm still wondering if what I'm feeling is just a spur of the moment thing, because I don't have evidence as solid as having a crush on a girl or something?
